Miami Vice part duex

*Sorry it took me so long to write part II but between Angela’s parents staying with us last week and then going up to the Wisconsin Dells for a bachelor party this weekend I have been too busy to post. I am sad that the Summer of Nate is almost over. Actually it is over, since that bachelor party I have decided to admit myself to the Betty Ford Clinic. See ya in 6 weeks!

Part Duex-

Monday- Our last full day in Florida. Again we wake up too late. Get up and then go to lay back down again this time by the pool. Ah vacation is rough. I can’t tell you how nice it is sitting next to a pool that is right next to the ocean, with a woman coming around every 15 minutes asking you if she can get you a drink. This did cause a dilemma for me though. You see I was raised to believe that people who lay around and do nothing on vacation are boring. Growing up (and even now) before going on a family vacation we were all handed our own personal copy of the itinerary for the trip. The itineraries offered very specific information including; the time period you would spend at each tourist attraction (down to the minute), the mode of transportation that would be taken to each destination, and how much each event would cost (looking back I don’t see why this was necessary information for a ten year old to have?) For some reason whenever we would visit a city our parents felt that we must see every single museum, monument, historical marker, biggest ball of string etc etc etc. It didn’t matter if we were there for a day or a week we were gonna see it all. Maybe we wouldn’t see it for a very long time or see it very closely but we were gonna be able to tell people we were there that’s for sure. We took a family trip to Washington DC when I was in seventh grade and although we went to no less than 500 attractions I couldn’t tell you a single thing we saw. The only memory I have of the trip is that right after the 6 of us crammed into the car for the cross country drive my parents unveiled the greatest surprise they have ever given us. My dad handed me a box and told me to open it. Inside was a brand new GAMEBOY!!!!
Something I swore my parents would never buy us. Of course they had an ulterior motive of trying to keep four brats quiet for a thirteen hour drive.
Anyways were was I? Oh sitting by the pool in Florida feeling guilty about sitting around. I decided to revert back to doing what I do best which is trying as hard as I can to keep busy without actually doing anything. I made a few lists. Put in a few hours of fantasy football research. Kept myself abreast of all the Hollywood relationships in my new People magazine. Man does that magazine suck. I never really realized this until last week. For the first time ever I bought a copies of People two consecutive weeks. Not a good idea folks. The magazine is ok once in a while but if you get it two straight weeks you are basically reading the same issue twice. They have nothing to talk about. What they are talking about is completely boring. Apparently the big news is Jennifer Aniston’s comments about Brad Pitt’s new bleached blonde hair. She says “Billy Idol called and he wants his hair back.” Thrilling.
We were going to go on a water taxi ride but since we were having an early dinner we decided to skip it and just lay by the pool for the rest of the day.
Monday Night- Our friend Dedi and her daughter Cherray planned a wonderful evening for us at a Polynesian Restaurant called Mai Kai, which turned out to be the highlight of our trip. The food, drinks and especially the entertainment were amazing. Cherray works at the restaurant so we got the V.I.P treatment, strong drinks, best seat in the house; we got to meet all of the Polynesian dancers the whole nine yards. After dinner there was an amazing Polynesian show. There was a band that played traditional music and dancers dressed in traditional garb. During the performance they made an announcement that it was me and Angela's one year wedding anniversary and they shined a spotlight on us. Then in our honor they played a special Tahitian love song. Later on in the performance they announced that they were gonna need two people in the audience to perform a Tahitian dance. I froze. There is nothing that I fear more than being called up on stage to dance. I was starting to have a panic attack because with all the VIP treatment we had been receiving I just knew we were gonna be the two they called up on stage. I studied Dedi and Cherray’s faces for clues that we were about to be called. They promised we weren’t but I didn’t believe them. All of a sudden the announcer comes over to us, the spotlight shines down and he makes Angela get out of her seat and go up on stage for a wild, freaky, free style, Tahitian jig. They also picked some other guy. Never have I felt so relieved. Angela did a great job doing a pretty embarrassing dance. Ask her to perform it for you one day.
Oh I almost forgot another highlight of the evening was when one of the busboys told us that the lead singer from the outstanding band “Smashmouth” was sitting two tables behind us. The whole night Angela (who has no idea who Smashmouth is) and I were turning around trying to catch a glimpse of an actual celebrity. Unfortunately, he had his back to us. At the end of the night I walked to the other side of the restaurant so I could turn around and walk back to catch a glimpse of this guy’s face. I saw him for a brief moment and…..hmmm I don’t know? I don’t think it was him? Not that I have the lead singer of “Smashmouth” facial features memorized but this guy looked too fat. After we left Cherray said she thought the bus boy had just said he saw someone who looked like the lead singer from “Smashmouth.” Man what a let down.

Tuesday- We go home today. First we go on that water taxi that we were supposed to go on yesterday. The boat took us up and down the intercostals. It was basically a tour of the rich and famous’ yachts and homes. Again do not do this if you want to remain sane. Wayne Hyzinga, owner of companies like Blockbuster Video, Alamo Rental car and the Miami Dolphins,just to name a few, had a nice 45 million dollar house. Next to his house was a 20 million dollar house he bought for his daughter as a wedding gift. His nephew’s 9 million dollar house was right down the way. I needed to get out of here.
We arrive at the airport way too early (another Rasmussen trait) so we decide to sit in the bar and get a few drinks. I find it fascinating people watching in an airport bar. Everyone’s life is so much more exciting than mine. Am I the only person in the world who isn’t constantly on a cell phone? All of a sudden a large group of travelers walks by. As I study them I am able to deduce that this group of thirty of the hottest women I have ever seen are in fact the Miami Dolphin Cheerleaders!!!!!!!!(It was written on their orange and green luggage.) A light bulb goes off in my head. Before the trip I bought an FHM magazine (for those that don’t know what FHM is it’s a men’s magazine similar to Maxim.) Normally I am not allowed to read such trash but on vacation I treat myself. Mainly because Angela buys herself 50 magazines every time she enters an airport so I should be allowed to buy something. We guys don’t have as big a variety of magazines to choose from as girls do. It’s not like I’m going to pick up a copy of Newsweek or the Economist for some light reading, so that leaves me with the Maxim, FHM, and Stuff genre. When I buy my FHM Angela makes a scene at the register which of course embarrasses the hell out of me. Its hard enough trying to buy a magazine with a half naked woman on the cover, but when your loud wife is yelling at you and causing a ruckus in public it just makes it that much harder.
Anyways I digress; when I saw the cheerleaders it reminded me that my FHM featured many NFL cheerleaders in skimpy bikinis. I had a quick thought that I would turn to the page with the Miami Dolphin Cheerleader, stop her, ask her for her autograph, pose for pictures, get her to fly home with us, convince her to move in with us and hire her as an au pair for little Yao. I rifled though all of our carry ons trying to find my FHM among Angela’s 50 magazines. Hurry, hurry, hurry they are getting away.
“What did you do with my FHM?” I yell at Angela
“Nothing.”
“You stole it devil woman! You were always jealous of her!”
“Why do you want it so bad?” she asked.
“I was going to get that cheerleader to sign her picture.”
“Really. Come on now Nate, you would have been too much of a pussy to ask her for her autograph anyway.”
Sadly she was right. I hung my head in shame as we got on the plane.