NateBlogg

Holiday ROAD

2006-07-20T11:38:00.000-07:00

Hey ya’ll the Rasmussen’s/Griswalds are preparing to embark on their South American Vacation. Peru watch out the Ugly American is coming. My dad (Clark) was generous enough to use his many many miles to help purchase airline tickets for 10 of us to and from Lima, Peru. We will be there for about 12 days traveling throughout Peru. I am so excited I have already packed about a week ago and I am thinking of unpacking so I can repack slightly more efficiently (the highlight of my trip). I must admit it took me awhile to warm up to the idea of spending TWELVE DAYS in extremely close contact with NINE of my family members but lately I have been getting into it. Part of the reason I was a bit nervous is that I have never really been out of the country (I don’t count an all inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic as leaving the country). I am not the best flyer in the world and have never been on a plane for longer than 5 hours at a time. Like most people I get a bit antsy being confined in such a small space for so long. That is one reason why I splurged on a fancy video Ipod for myself. I won’t be using the video portion too much (having trouble finding good video to put on it.) but am really excited about my new gadget. The fact that it holds 7,500 songs is amazing. I have been illegally downloading music from the web and ripping my own cd’s like crazy and still there are only like 1500 songs on there. I’ve also been getting into these podcasts. You can find a podcast on any subject you want its pretty cool.
Anyway back to Peru, why Peru you may ask? Well I’m not exactly sure. I know my dad went to Vietnam a couple of years ago and really caught the bug for international travel. I also know that Machu Picchu is one of those places in the world that he has always wanted to see. My sister also went to Peru a couple of years ago and LOVED it. Her best friend is Peruvian. Her friend’s uncle lives in Peru and has been working with my dad to plan out our trip. I know very little about Peru. Up until about a month ago I was just excited that we would be seeing something called “The COCK of the ROCK” and visiting a place called “Lake TITICACA.” Since then I have been doing some reading on Peru which has made me a lot more interested in the trip.
On Saturday we will wake up at about 4 in the morning and head to O’Hare. We will have a layover in Mexico City and arrive in Lima, Peru at about 12:30 at night (they are in the same time zone as we are.) Now that’s one long day of travel. The next morning we will take a flight to the city of Cuzco. Cuzco has a lot of Inca ruins and is close to the Sacred Valley of the Inca’s which we will also be seeing. Then it’s on to Machu Picchu to see more amazing ruins and nature. Following Machu Picchu we will be heading to Manu to stay in tents at a National Reserve in the Amazon Jungle. There we will be swimming with the piranhas, alligators, and god knows what, while canoeing down the Amazon River. (*note: this part of the trip scares the hell out of me too. I am just keep picturing the movie Anaconda with Ice Cube shouting “They got snakes dis big?!?!”)
After the Amazon, if any of us are still alive, it’s back to Costco (oops Cuzco) and then to Lake TITIES AND CACA. Ironically we should have gone to Costco to get everything we needed for Cuzco because we have to bring so much stuff. But we also are trying to carry as little luggage as possible so it has made packing a little tough. It is their winter down there so for most of the trip it actually will be pretty cold but when we are in the Amazon it will be hot. Trying to pack for winter and summer in one suitcase has been a challenge. I am being told to bring layers, winter coats, long underwear but also a swimming suit, sunscreen and sunhat. We were also told to bring tons of funny little things that you don’t often bring on vacations like TOLIET PAPER. The problem is we were only told to bring one roll each. This may be T.M.I for some of you NateBlogg readers but we here over at NateBlogg like us some toilet paper! One roll?!?!?!?! Did they mean one roll per day? Also even nastier, I am being told that we shouldn’t flush our toilet paper!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT THEN? Oh well it will be an adventure for sure. Hopefully I come back alive and with a clean butt.

Benny Da Bull

2006-07-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

Man I can’t believe the Bulls got Ben Wallace that is crazy! Now what I am so cornfused about… is this a good thing? First of all I would like to say I think it is good. The Bulls haven’t had an all star on their team since a certain somebody left town (and no I’m not talking about Elton Brand or Brad Miller). Our new all star center/power forward fits so well with our up and coming team because he is the ultimate team player. He is well known as one of the hardest workers in the game. He will instill toughness into our young team and won’t let other teams push us around. He will teach our new young draft pick Tyrus Thomas how to play the position. Tyrus is only 19 years old and still has quite a bit of developing to do so it is nice that the best defender in the game will be there to show him the ropes. The championship caliber play of the Detroit Pistons over the last 4 seasons began and ended with Ben Wallace. He was the heart and soul of that team. A true leader. He is all the things the Bulls were lacking. Who was gonna step up and be our leader? Heinrich? I don’t think so. Chandler? Puh lease. Speaking of Chandler how incredible is it that we are about to move his 60 million dollar worthless ass out of town for (well at least the rumor is) a quality veteran center, whose large contract comes off the books next year, and a promising young shooting guard. I mean does Paxson have naked pictures of George Shinn or something? How are we able to do this? What is going on with the New Orleans Oklahoma City of Anaheim Charlotte Hornets? George Shinn is throwing around money like his name was Isaih Thomas. First they draft two big studs in the first round in Hilton Armstrong and Cedrick Simmons. Then they sign Peja Stoyachovich and Bobby Jackson to huge contracts. Now they are picking up worthless bum Chandler’s 60 million dollar contract. Rumor has it they are gonna go out and get Doug Christie, Vlade Divac, Chis Webber, Hedo Turkolou, Mike Bibby and Rick Adelman too. Anyways back to Ben Wallace, I wanna address some of the haters complaints about this move the Bulls have made.

1.) Why spend all that money on a one dimensional player?
I agree it’s a lot of money but that’s the nature of the NBA nowadays wake up and smell the coffee hater!!!! I am pretty sure Adonal Foyle received a 40 or 50 million dollar contract a year ago. Also who isn’t a one dimensional player in the NBA? Ron Artest, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, Yao Ming, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Elton Brand, and Shaq those are about the only ones that come to mind. Now Iverson, Arenas, Peja, Dirk, Ray Allen, Nash, Labron, Carmelo, Wade, Pierce, Marbury etc etc etc…..are any of these guys known as defensive studs? NO! For some reason defensive skills have always been and will always be underrated. I don’t buy this “the league is playing more of an offense style game now.” Ummm not really. Defense still wins championships. Name me a championship team in the last thirty years that has not had a solid solid defense. That is why the Phoenix Suns of the world, while they are very entertaining to watch, will never win a NBA Championship. You need a dominant defensive player on your team to win it all. Enter 4 time (I think) defensive player of the year Ben Wallace. If this is such an offense based league nowadays then why have the Pistons and Spurs (two defensive teams) been the best two teams in the league for the past 4 or 5 years?

2.) Ben Wallace is too old for a four year contract.
I disagree. He is only 31 years old. As somebody who is going to hit 30 in a couple months I am not ready to say 31 is too old. I remember another former all star Bull hitting his prime around 31 years of age. Wallace is not one of these guys who have been playing in the pros since he was 18 years old either. Plus he didn’t play much at all until his 4th season so he has less wear and tear than some players in their early thirties. 6 years for a 31 year old woulda been too long but 4 years I think is fine. Lots of guys play past 35 years old. If anyone can keep his body in top shape to play late into his 30’s its Ben Wallace. Also, last time he was traded he took it to heart and became a stud. Things didn’t end well in Detroit. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him out there next year with a chip on his shoulder looking to prove the haters wrong.

3.) The Bulls don’t have enough offense.
This is partially true but that has nothing to do with the Wallace signing. Should we not have gone after the best free agent out there because of this? Who should we have signed Peja? We are a tough, defensive team and Wallace fits in perfectly. A great defense causes turnovers and fast breaks which creates points. Our offense will get better as our young stars such as Heinrich, Gordon, Deng, and Nocioni continue to develop. Heinrich was an offensive stud in the playoffs. Gordon, Deng and Noc are all very young and continue to improve in their third year (which also happens to be a contract year). I think the three of them definitely need to step it up offensively. Skiles needs to lean on Nocioni more. When he finally inserted him into the starting line up in the second half of last season Nocioni’s offensive numbers jumped.

So all in all I think this is a great signing and I am very excited about it. How nice to have a Chicago team to be excited about for the first time in forever. As I am typing this I see that ESPN’s Marc Stein reports that the Bulls have just traded Chandler for PJ Brown (and his expiring contract) and J.R. Smith. I love Pajama Brown he gives us more size and depth in the frontcourt. Also he is a capable scorer under the basket. I think J.R. Smith can be really good to. I can’t believe the Hornets are giving up on him so early. He showed signs of brilliance straight out of high school in his rookie year two years ago. Last year he fell into the bitchy Byron Scotts dog house and hopefully that is the only reason his game suffered. I am sure he will at least turn out better than the last young, athletic, wing we got from the Hornets, Eddie Robinson.

Dude we're getting the blog back together!!!

2006-06-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

Howdy ya’ll get your reading glasses on because this is the NEW AND IMPROVED SUMMER OF NATE!!!! I’m back baby and better than ever so tell your friends. The first one’s free but once you get hooked I will be asking for you’re first born.

Top Ten Reasons why I love summer in Chicago

10. Not having to be around elementary school children- Yeah baby I ain’t got to work for like 2 and a half months. No Sunday night hangover dread. No more making my lunch the night before work. No more hour and a half in the car each day. No more going to bed at 10:30 and waking up at 6:00am. No more listening to people fighting because “he looked at me” “he touched me” “she breathed on me.” No more hearing my name butchered 1500 times a day. No more having 30 people talking to me at once while they are supposed to be sitting and listening quietly. No more people telling me when their birthday is every day when its four months away. No more people sneezing on me. Not having to spend my day threatening children will be quite refreshing. No more explaining simple subtraction and being met with nothing but blank stares. No more explaining the problem, showing them the answer and then still they don’t know what to do. No more listening to principals blame all of the world’s problems on teachers. YIKES I could go on and on but its summer time so I should stop being a Debbie Downer. (This could lead to a future blog that I have been thinking about for the past year or two entitled “Top 100 reasons why I hate my job.” Geez I hope I don’t get fired.)

9. Listening to Music- I love listening to music in the summer time. I love how hearing a certain song can take you back to a summer memory from long ago. I have so many good memories of going to summer concerts (man I need to get back into going to concerts I guess we are getting old.) I love the summer jams that come out. “IT’S GETTING HOT IN HERE SO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES!” (It seems like all of Nelly’s music is only for the summer time.) I used to really love going to Blues Fest the first weekend in June in Chicago. I think I got arrested one time for peeing in the street downtown at Blues Fest or maybe that was at the Taste? Blues Fest used to really kick off a nice substance abusing summer blur quite nicely. This leads me to my next thing I love about summer.

8. SMOKING WEED- Ok Ok so I haven’t really smoked pot in like 5 years but boy when I was young and spry I used to love getting high especially in the summer time. Driving around in someone’s car sharing a joint, smoking bowls at North Ave beach, or on the lawn at The World Music Amphitheatre or Alpine Valley.

7. Summer House Parties-I love parties that start during the day and end late at night. This only happens in the summer. The BBQ is plentiful as are the kegs. Maybe my friend Miguel will treat us to another singing performance this year.

6. Getting a new job- Almost every summer I get a new teaching job for the upcoming school year. It is almost like a nice rebirth every summer. I leave a crappy job and have high hopes that my new job won’t be quite so crappy. So far I am 0 for 3. Being hired is a great feeling (wow someone actually wants my services?)

5. Cub/Sox games-Well this rivalry used to be a lot more fun before a certain team won a World Series in dominate fashion and a certain other team squandered all kinds of potential. This year was still cool with the Barrett and Pierzynski fight. I have been to a Cub vs. Sox game each of the last 4 or 5 years. My friend Moira and her family have a fun Cub/Sox party every year. Somehow her dad is able to get around 100 tickets to one of the games each year. They host a pre-party and then round up some school buses to take us to the game. Those were some fun times. Unfortunately, because this is largely a Sox crowd, and I am a rowdy Cub fan, I am no longer invited to these parties. Come on Sox fans no need to hate anymore you got the trophy what else do ya want?

4. July 4th North vs. South Side of Oak Park Softball game-NORTH SIDE RULES. This is the oldest standing tradition among my group of friends. Ten or eleven years ago our big group of friends, which was always slightly split down the middle based on geography, decided to start a fierce rivalry in the form of a North vs. Southside Softball game. Since that first game eleven years ago we’ve all gotten a bit fatter and dumber. Girlfriends have turned into wives. A few of us have children (with a couple on the way). The North Siders don’t see the South Siders very much any more (in fact for the most part the two sides only meet at this game) but it’s funny because at the games we still talk shit to each other like we’re still 18 years old. Incidentally, despite a few spirited cheaters on the North Side, the South Side has been whooping up on us in recent years. The North Side team is becoming decidedly slower and fatter as the years pass.

3. The NBA Draft/Fantasy Football Draft-As some of you may remember one of my favorite things in the world is a draft. Not the kind for a war or the kind that architects use but professional and fantasy sports drafts. Drafts are like my Super Bowl, World Series, World Cup and Olympics. I love everything about drafts. I love the element of surprise. I love trying to predict who will pick who. I love speculating about a players “tremendous upside potential.” I love the suits the players wear to the games and their entourages. All in all I guess I just love lists and what is a draft but a long list of players. I was very excited to find out that today is the first day that you can start drafting teams for the upcoming Yahoo fantasy football season.

2. Camping/Road trips- My parents never took me camping as a child so I’m not sure I know exactly how to do it. I don’t know how to pitch a tent, build a fire or catch a fish but I can sit around the fire drinking beer with the best of em. In college we used to travel to Wisconsin, Indiana and Missouri to “camp out” and go to Phish concerts. I don’t know if it was what you would traditionally think camping was but we did sleep in tents. Although one time I got kicked out of the concert and after many failed attempts to sneak back in I “slept” it off sprawled out in a field. Only to wake up disoriented because 30,000 people were standing around me after the concert and I sat up having no clue where I was. I hitchhiked back to the campsite and somehow made it to the right one even though I didn’t know where it was or what it was called. My friend Katie is presently trying to plan a camping trip for this summer although I think we have graduated from tents to cabins.

1. Sitting around inside doing nothing- Well I wouldn’t call this nothing exactly- I mean I am running about 3 fantasy teams into the ground, illegally downloading as much music as I can for my 90’s party, eating, drinking, scratching, instant messaging, emailing, researching the upcoming fantasy football draft, blogging, message boarding , watching Oprah, yelling at the dog…..is this Heaven?

My Least Favorites

2006-02-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

Well since I shared some of my favorites with you I figured I would share some of my least favorites. There are millions of people in this world that I can’t stand. So instead of talking about my least favorite food, car, or color this list will focus solely on some of the people that I HATE! Since there are so many people I hate I decided to put them into different groups. The groups are: actors, athletes, comedians, the media, musicians and “people in my neighborhood.” I reserve the right to add to this list at any time.
Before I start dishing the hate to the individuals who know they deserve it. I wanted to first mention whole groups of people that make me sick. Generally speaking the following groups of people SUCK!

Republicans
The Religious Right
yuppies
Libertarians
Scientologists
people from the South
metrosexuals
anal retentives
politicians
loud people
soccer moms
Nascar dads
sportscasters
sitcom actors
realtors
children
people that work at the DMV
the Boy Scouts of America
Born agains
rich people
injury plagued athletes

ACTORS (or tv personalities)
Keanu Reeves
Tom Cruise
Cuba Gooding Jr.
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon
John Travolta
Mel Gibson
Charlie Sheen
Bruce Willis
Arnold Swartzenegger
Ashton Kutcher
Tyra Banks
Anyone who has ever been on the Bachelor
Ryan and Trista
Richard Karn (host of the Family Feud)
Judge Judy
Jerry Springer
Jenny Jones
that dude from Law and Order SVU
Donald Trump
Martha Stewart
Those guys from Queer Eye
Jeff Probst
Roger Lodge
All of the Desperate Housewives
The ladies of the View
Anyone on the show Everybody Loves Raymond
Shawn Astin
Harry Potter

ATHLETES (and sports commentators)

Cal Ripkin Jr.
Ron Santo
Reggie White
Jerry Krause
Kerry Wood
Brett Farve
Allan Houston
Charlie Ward
Karl Malone
Mark Price
John Stockton
Steve Kerr
John Rocker
Micheal Irvin
Pat Tillman
Larry Brown
Lloyd Carr
Bobby Knight
Dusty Baker
Mike Ditka
Pat Riley
Mark McGwire
Joe Buck
Bob Costas
Tom Dore
Hawk Harrellson
all play by play and color commentators
Jim Rome
Jay Mariotti
Skip Bayless
Dan Patrick
Stuart Scott
Shaun Salsberry
Mike North
Doug Baffone
Mike Greenberg
Steve “Snapper” Jones
Jim Gray
Duke
White Sox fans
The Patriots

COMEDIANS

Paul Reiser
Tim Allen
Caroline Rhea
Elaine Boozer
Jimmy Kimmel
Robin Williams
Dennis Miller
Jimmy Fallon
Horatio Sanz
Billy Crystal
Jay Leno
Ray Ramano
Drew Carey
Ant
Whoopy Goldberg

THE MEDIA (and radio personalities)

Bill O’ Reilly
Rush Limbaugh
Bill Curtis
Tim Russert
Tom Brokow
Anyone on CNN, MSNBC, FOX NEWS, except for Soledad O’Brian (She’s HOT)
Imus
Sean Hannity
Howard Stern
Robin Quivers
Mancow
Eric and Kathy
Eddie and Jobo
Ryan Seacrest
Guiliana Depandi
Carson Daly
Gideon Yago
John Norris

MUSICIANS

R. Kelly
Justin Timberlake
Destiny’s Child
country musicians
Aerosmith
James Taylor
The Rolling Stones
Dave Mathews Band
people that listen to Dave Mathews
Bon Jovi
Metallica
Ricky Martin
The Offspring
Ace of Base
Bush
L.L. Cool J
Ja Rule
Nelly
50 Cent
Emminem
House of Pain
Will Smith
P. Diddy and Mase
Randy Jackson
Paula Abdul
Crucial Conflict
Bone Thugs and Harmony
Limp Bisquick
Kid Rock
Motley Crue
Tommy Lee
Cher
AC/ DC
Kiss
Brittney Spears
classic rock
Courtney Love

PEOPLE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD

most people that work for Chicago Public Schools
my realtor
the developers who worked on our condo
the lawyer for those developers
Mayor Daley
the filthy people in the building next store that use our yard as a garbage can
people that don’t pick up their dog shit
people that work at fast food restaurants in the ghetto
people who own pit bulls
Comcast

My Favorites

2006-01-17T18:18:00.000-08:00

I was inspired to write this blog entry mostly because of writers block. I am not much of a writer but I love to make lists. I make a list almost everyday. I love reading lists. I like TV shows about lists. It seems that most TV channels have a show that features a list of some sort. In fact ESPN, the E network, VH-1 base most of their programming around lists. MSNBC, AMC, A&E, Bravo and BET, just to name a few, feature lists as well. I read some great lists over the weekend. My good friend Aaron Parchem made the Olympics as a pair’s figure skater a few days ago. As I checked the internet for information on him I stumbled across his bio. His bio was short and funny, the bio you are about to read will be neither of those. I wanted to list some of my favorites so my readers can know more about where I’m coming from. It was too hard to list just one favorite for each so for some I listed two or three favorites.

My Favorites

food: nachos
beer: Amstel Light/Miller Lite
dessert: homemade cookies
chips: Cheetos Cheese Puffs
candy: Plain MandM’s
fast food: Taco Bell
pizza: Home Run Inn
book: The Autobiography of Malcolm X
author: Micheal Moore/ Augusten Burroughs
magazine: Sports Illustrated
tv show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
old tv show: The Cosby Show
reality show: Survivor/ The Real World (pre Hawaii season)
Movie (drama): Do the Right Thing
movie (comedy): The Cable Guy, Friday
actor: Jack Nicholson
actress: Alfre Woodard
comedian: Larry David/Eddie Murphy
comedic duo: Chris Farley, David Spade
artist: Elizabeth Catlett
singer: Stevie Wonder
album: Kind of Blue (Miles Davis)
rock band: Phish
rap group: A Tribe Called Quest
MC: Common
concert attended: Nine Inch Nails (Rosemont Horizon 1994)
honey: Nia Long
super model: Naomi Campbell
car: ? something pimped out like a big Oldsmobile
web site: fanball.com
game show: Jeopardy/ Family Feud
video game: Super Mario Brothers
comic strip: The Far Side
school subject: American history
decade: the 60’s
president: FDR
city (besides Chicago): New York/ Madison
Chicago Icon: Bill Murray
Oak Park Icon: Ludacris/ Homer Simpson
Chicago Event: Blues Fest/ The Taste
Chicago Bar: Simpson’s (Roosevelt and Western)
museum: Field Museum
Cub: Andre Dawson/ Shawn Dunston
non Cub: Jose Canseco/ Rickey Henderson
Bull: Dennis Rodman
non Bull: Allen Iverson/ Charles Barkley
Bear: Walter Payton
non Bear: Barry Sanders
female tennis player: Serena Williams
male tennis player: Jimmy Connors
golfer: Tiger
wrestler: The Rock
sport to play: tennis
sport to watch: March Madness
sporting event attended: Bulls/Knicks game 7 1992? In the old stadium.
sporting event attended up until the 8th inning: The Bartman game.
childhood cartoon: Looney Tunes
childhood movie: Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
childhood tv show: Saved By the Bell
childhood author: Judy Blume
childhood game: playing house/ building forts
childhood hobby: stealing baseball cards
childhood vacation: family reunion, Monticello WI.
board game: Life

Worst Comedy Ever

2005-10-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

I need your help folks. I have been struggling with a problem for quite some time now. I can not find a decent movie to watch. I admit I don’t look very hard. We unplugged our DVD player last February and we have not figured out how to plug it back in since. I do not go to the movie theatre (it’s been about a year). I can’t pinpoint a succinct reason why I don’t go to movies but it’s gotta be one of at least three reasons. #1 I am lazy and don’t like leaving the house. #2 There are no good movies to go see. #3 With cable, internet and take out food why would I go to a movie? There is one other reason, I can think of nothing I hate more than getting excited for a movie, making the extreme time commitment, sitting down to watch a movie and twenty minutes into it you realize it’s your new least favorite movie. As little as I watch movies, this has been happening to me too often. Once I realize that I have wasted my hard earned money and time I start to panic. My A.D. D. kicks in to overdrive. I start wince at every bad line. I boldly proclaim to Angela that this is the worst movie I have ever seen. I repeatedly search for the exits.
Part of it is my fault. You see, my favorite movie genre by far is comedy. I do like some dramas and documentaries as well. I will not watch action, adventure, horror, thriller, romantic comedy, buddy movie, science fiction, western, animation, mystery, love story or any type of chick flick. Mostly, I only watch comedies which is why I have been so upset lately. Where have all the good comedies gone? I don’t understand why it is so hard to write a comedy film. There are so many great comedians out there and so many terrible, terrible comedy films. Chris Rock funny, Chris Rock movies…..garbage. Ditto Bernie Mac, Dave Chapelle, Cedrick the Entertaina (what is Cedrick’s last name?) Martin Lawrence, Chris Tucker and a host of others.
I just got done watching the movie Guess Who? Featuring Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac. On paper this film has some potential. A slightly effeminate Ashton Kutcher and his black girl friend who decides to surprise her dad (Bernie Mac) by bringing home a white boy. Hilarity does not ensue. I just don’t get how such a slightly promising premise can get so butchered by comedy writers.
I recently saw a few other comedy movies that again on paper offered promising ideas and/or casts and then proceeded to bomb. In the flick Be Cool, you think you could be in for some laughs. You got a Vince Vaughn trying to act black; you got Cedrick the Entertaina, The Rock playing a gay guy and Andre 3000 from Outcast. Not to mention the tasty Christina Milian. I know, I know Jon Travolta’s pathetic ass was in it too and again he is asking us to pretend he is this ultra cool guy but still I thought it could be funny. Worst movie ever.
Vince Vaughn has been in some real stinkers lately. Dodgeball? How could they mess this one up? You could totally tell Vince was just mailing this one in. Did he shoot this movie while in rehab?
The last movie I have seen recently is Beauty Shop. I didn’t really think it was gonna be good but I was forced into watching it. It did have some promise on paper. I really enjoyed Barbershop. Plus it featured a hot Rudi Huxtable wearing hotpants and acting slutty. I just don’t understand how these writers can look at themselves in the mirror with the drivel they put out. It’s almost as if they are trying to come up with just enough material to fill out a 30 second trailer. We should sue them all for their bait and switch antics. I guess I will just continue to watch Friday, Office Space, The Cable Guy, Half Baked and Swingers over and over again.

Fall TV

2005-10-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hello again everybody, I am trying to post on this thing once a week now but I will not always make it. I wanted to post some fall television reviews. I must admit, to a certain extent, I am growing out of the reality TV genre. It seems to me that every year the shows get faker and faker. Don’t get me wrong I still watch hours of reality TV a week but I’m just not enjoying it as much as I used to. Much to my wife’s dismay I have become almost completely consumed with sports. The only thing I talk with her about is sports. To her credit she is nice enough to pretend to care. This time of the year (as I mentioned two blogs ago in “I love me some me.”) it is near impossible to not be consumed with sports. UW football is undefeated and beat Michigan a couple of weeks ago. Not to mention Brooks Bollinger starting for the Jets and Ron Dayne sporting a sweet Madison stoner goatee on Monday night football a couple of weeks ago. The fantasy sports seasons are in full swing. I am already starting to lose interest in fantasy football as I look ahead to the fantasy basketball season. The beauty of being forced to grow up as a Chicago sports fan is that you are always looking ahead because the present and past are too painful. Which brings me to the White Sox. The realist in me figured they were destined to blow it at the end of the season. When that didn’t happen I thought for sure they would be swept by the Red Sox. Now I don’t know what to think. The best part of last night’s sweep was watching the local news interviews with White Sox fans. Oh my lord I think we have discovered the missing link. Dhere leader da mayor was pleased with dat big win over by der in Boston der. Fucking A. Hopefully Bartolo will blank his former team a couple times in the next series or maybe Contreras and El dookie will be psyched out vs. their former pinstripes. Here’s the fall TV line up.

The Office- NBC- Tues. 8:30- Reviewing a non reality television series blasphemy you say! I know I’m sorry. The Office is the best show on network television since Seinfeld. Of course it will probably fail because viewers aren’t smart enough to laugh unless there is a laugh track telling them when the funny parts are. Crappy ass network TV and especially crappy ass NBC doesn’t deserve a show of this caliber. Which reminds me NBC is the worst network ever. How could the once dominant network of our youth which featured such innovative shows as Family Ties, The Cosby Show, Cheers, It’s a Different World, Blossom, Saved by the Bell and Seinfeld put out so much garbage nowadays? Who runs that network? Or should I say who is running that network into the ground. They were behind the curve for the reality boom. They have never put out a quality reality show. NBC has no creativity. They lack the ability to take a risk. Instead NBC puts out drivel, Seinfeld, Friends, and Cheers spin offs. ER is still on for Christ sake. At least CBS had some guts (or luck) to start the reality craze with early successful shows called Survivor, Big Brother and the Amazing Race. ABC is not much better than NBC, but they are finding some recent success with Desperate Housewives, and Lost. The main reason NBC sucks in comparison to ABC and CBS is the decimation of NBC’s sports programming. On CBS you get college football, the NCAA tourney, the Masters, the NFL, and The U.S. Open among others. On ABC you get college football, the BCS championship game, the NBA and most importantly Monday Night Football (which they are getting rid of what the hell are they thinking?). What do we get on NBC? NASCAR, Ice Skating, horse racing, BMX bike racing, X game bullshit. Next thing you know they’ll be showing hockey! What ever happened to the inspirational NBA on NBC John Tesh theme music? Da da da da da duh da da duh duh duh dun dun dun dun dun da da. The only good thing about this has been the death of Bob Costas’ career.
Of course none of these crappy networks can even touch Fox. Fox dominates them in sports, risk taking and the ability to think outside of the box. Remember when Fox was just that cute little network with crappy reception. Since then every network has tried and failed to copy them. Think about all the innovative programming from back in the day Tracy Ullman, Married With Children, In Living Color, 21 Jump Street, Get a Life, It’s the Gary Shandling Show, The Ben Stiller Show, Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, Madd TV, The Simpsons, The X Files, Party of Five, 90210, Melrose Place, Martin. They have kept up the quality programming with The Simpsons, The Family Guy, Malcom in the Middle, Arrested Development, The Bernie Mac Show, The O.C. and 24. None of these shows would have ever been on one of the “big three” networks. Of course Fox has dominated in sports with must see sporting events like The Super Bowl and The World Series. They invented the blatantly trashy reality genre with Cops and America’s Most Wanted. They kept it up with Who wants to Marry a Millionaire, Joe Millionaire, Temptation Island, Trading Spouses etc etc. In addition they have what is possibly the most popular reality show in history, American Idol.

Survivor-CBS- Thurs. 7:00 Survivor is the only show that doesn’t get old after two or three seasons. It must have something to do with the editing. I think it stays the most real. You can tell when over editing changes what is being filmed into some contrived drama (think The Apprentice). They do the same old challenges and have the same old rewards and host on Survivor but for some reason it doesn’t get old. The conditions are still the most extreme and I think that causes people to interact in interesting ways. I think Survivor has kept its integrity by casting real people. So many other “reality” shows have been infiltrated with scripts and actors.

The Apprentice-NBC-Thurs. 8:00. Every season it gets harder and harder to watch the Apprentice. The contestants are more incompetent. The editing leaves the show with contrived drama. The Donald is annoying and has no clear criteria for why he keeps people and why he fires them. Although I do like competition and backstabbing in my reality shows and The Apprentice has plenty of both.

America’s Next Top Model-UPN-Wed. 7:00. Yet another show that I swore off last season. Originally the main reason I watched this show was to see hot 19 years olds parade around in lingerie and bathing suits. I stayed for the girls cat fights and entertaining flamboyance by the judges. Last season though they were missing a key component to the show. THERE WERE NO HOT GIRLS!!!! This season they have gotten back to their bread and butter which is a good thing. Although I don’t know how much more Tyra I can take. I usually just press mute when she starts talking.

Breaking Bonaduce-VH1- All day everyday. Oh my god this show scares me. Never before when watching a reality show have I had to turn the channel because I was too disturbed to continue watching. VH1 should be ashamed of themselves. I can see them pitching this show to Danny Bonaduce. “So Danny basically the show will be about your suicidal behavior and how it affects your young children and co-dependent wife.” It seems that Danny thinks the closer he gets to killing himself (and possibly others) the better it will be for his career. YIKES!!!

End of the season awards

2005-10-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give out a few awards for the end of the season. I do apologize to my female readers but sports are the only thing I think about that is fit to print. Also I have some new competition an all fantasy sports blog brought to you by my friend Dug (lassticity.blogspot.com)

National League
MVP-I guess this was a three horse race between Pujols, DLee and Andrew Jones. Well since I am a big fantasy sports guy and a big lover of individual statistics. I’m gonna have to give this one to DerriLeek. I don’t by into the philosophy that the MVP can only come from a playoff team. That’s bunk. The Cardinals and Braves always make the playoffs. These two didn’t have any different seasons than they usually have. Pujols limped to the end of the season. Jones did as well. Plus Jones only hit .260. DLEE had consistent numbers all season. He played on a .500 team that wouldn’t have gotten a win without him.

Cy Young- This was a tough one. Clemens, Chris Carpenter, and Dontrelle Willis. I really wanted to give it to Willis he is one of my favorite players. Willis and Carpenter kinda fell apart at the end of the year. Plus they played on pretty nice offensive squads. You put Roger Clemens on the Marlins or Cardinals and he gets 20 wins as well. Clemens has far superior ERA and WHIP. Plus, as much as his personality gets on my nerves, there is no doubt he is the best pitcher in the history of the game. He had to pitch in the steroids era. He is at a supreme disadvantage to the dominant pitchers of fifty years ago or so. He got all his numbers pitching in five man rotations which they didn’t have way back when. Not to mention the scouting that hitters are privy to nowadays.

Manager of the Year-Bobby Cox. At first I typed Frank Robinson. It is usually taken for granted that the Braves are gonna make the postseason. Yet again the preseason pundits predicted the demise of the Braves this year. Injuries and bullpen issues surrounded them all season. They started something like six rookies. Yet none of that mattered as they cruised to their 14th? straight division title.

Rookie of the Year-I guess I’ll go with Ryan Howard. I am a little confused on what can be considered a rookie. How many games does one have to play to be considered a rookie? David Wright played in 69 games last year Howard played in 20. Howard is a rookie but Wright isn’t?

American League
MVP-Big Papi. I don’t buy this you have to play the field argument. AROD isn’t getting votes because of his fielding. MVP is an award for offense. Big Papi has been the best offensive player in the American League. Two people that should be getting more mention for the award are Manny Ramirez and Mark Texiera.

Cy Young-I had both Cy Young candidates on my team this year yey me. Bartolo Colon and Mariano Rivera. I’m going to vote for the fat man every time. Bartolo wins.

Manager of the Year- Ozzie Guillen. I don’t know the Indians manager may have done more with less but I don’t know his name so I guess I can’t vote for him.

Rookie of the Year- Jorge Cantu, Grady Sizemore or Johnny Gomes. Are all these guys eligible? Cantu may not be. I give the award to Sizemore although he might not be eligible either (Cantu played 50 games last year Sizemore 40). Huston Street has also been impressive.

I LOVE ME SOME ME!!!

2005-09-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

Hello old friend oh how I missed you. I deeply apologize I wanted to blog a couple of weeks ago but I was too damn busy (I wanted to share my thoughts on Hurricane Katrina but I was so furious I couldn’t express myself in blog form.). If only my real life was going as good as my fantasy life is right now. So forget about real life I much prefer to live in a fantasy world. I HAD THE BEST FANTASY SPORTS WEEK IN MY LONG SUFFERING FANTASY SPORTS HISTORY!!!!!!!!!! After languishing in third or fourth place for much of the fantasy baseball season, my team rallied in the last couple of weeks of the season to take first place in my division and first place overall in the league! I had something like an .800 winning percentage in the last few weeks (that’s a pretty nice run.) For the first time in my pathetic fantasy career I ended up with the undisputed BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE. I won the marathon regular season (the true test in fantasy) even though I may not win the sprint (the crap shoot known as a fantasy playoff series). Some may say that I have never won a fantasy league before. Technically I have won some public leagues and I did win the money in our NCAA Yahoo Tournament last year and I shoulda won that first year of basketball but I was out of the country during the championship and didn’t even check it!! (can you imagine me not checking a fantasy team ahhh the good old days.) Anyway so far I have won 25 percent of what should be about an $800 pot. Unfortunately I spent roughly that amount on transactions (trades and waiver wire pick ups) so I broke even.
Even more exciting is the first weekend of the Fantasy Football Season. I drafted three awesome football teams, although I will only follow two. I scored in the 130’s in every league last week (a very high score for fantasy football). In my most important league I didn’t even use my first string defense, the Jets, they are starting to make me nervous. Let me warn you, every time I think somebody has a good fantasy team (including my own teams) they usually turn out to be the worst teams in the league. I think its God’s way of saying “you’re an idiot.” So I will downplay my team now. You guys suck! I am a bit worried about my running backs and I have no back up QB (Damn you Mac for taking my Bledsoe). The running back situations in fantasy are a hot mess this year across the board. Even a healthy Priest Holmes has to share the backfield.
I got stuck with the 12th pick this year in my 14 man league. Which forced me to do something I have never done, draft a non-running back in the 1st round. I had to draft Randy Moss. I love Moss. Nothing made me happier to see Minnesota fall on their ass last week without him. I want a Moss jersey for my birthday (hint hint Angela). But I was nervous I have never drafted anyone but running backs in the first two rounds. I have never had a star receiver on my team. I had Chris Chambers in his best season as a pro (which was pretty damn good.) I had Brandon Stokley last year who managed to put up his big numbers every other week which gave my bench high scores but that’s about it. Like I said I was nervous after almost one half into the first game of the season last Thursday I was upset. “Two points outta my first pick!? What the hell.” Then he promptly caught a 76 yard touchdown pass. All of a sudden he had like 25 points with all the bonuses. “I’ll take it.”

This is my favorite time of the year for sports. I challenge anyone to come up with a better month to 6week period than early September to Mid-Late October sportswise. Check it out you got:

-Baseball playoff race
-Fantasy Football drafts
-College football starts
-NFL starts
-U.S. Open
-weekly football pools
-baseball playoffs
-preparation for the NBA fantasy draft
-the World Series

It doesn’t get any better than that folks but I’ll try. The first week of February to the end of March you got….
-The Super Bowl
-NBA All star weekend
-Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
-College basketball conference tourney’s
-College basketball selection Sunday
-joining 16 NCAA tournament pools
-the NCAA tournament
-Spring training
-Fantasy Baseball Draft.

I know there must be some month in the summer or late spring that I am forgetting about (when is the Master’s?) but for my money you can’t beat September for sports.

Heeeeeerre's Johnny!

2005-08-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

I do apologize to my loyal readers (Doug and Mac) for not blogging more often. My excuse is two fold. First of all I now have this thing called a JOB that is starting to take up some time. Secondly (and most importantly) I have been totally obsessed with the upcoming NFL fantasy football draft that it is the only thing I look at, think about, talk about, listen to, smell, taste. In fact last night I chased Angela and Yao around with an axe trying to chop them up into little pieces. We are held up in this huge mansion and I got a little stir crazy. Angela refused to share her opinion on the Miami Dolphins quarterback controversy between Gus Ferotte and Jay Fiedler and that just pushed me over the edge. Plus Yao was doing this weird thing with his paw and in a strange voice said “Red ruff” “Red ruff” “Red ruff.” I have so overanalyzed this up coming draft that I now feel that every single player is both a sleeper and a bust. So if you guys want a post so bad I’m afraid its gonna have to be about football.
Last week I was moping around the house about Chicago sports teams. I was swearing, screaming into pillows and packing suitcases declaring to Angela and Yao that we were moving to a city with respectable teams in which to root for. Angela rolled her eyes. Yao cocked his head to the side. “What!?!” I said. I wasn’t over reacting. The Cubs were now officially out of it and thank God I will never watch another Cub’s game. The entire team needs to be dismantled starting with Jim Hendry but what do I care because I’m moving. The White Sox are starting to show their true colors and will probably get swept in the first round again just like in 2000. The Bulls will never win it all without Jordan. The Blackhawks are back? They were never here to begin with. Which leaves us with the pathetic, laughable, fake team that is the jewel of this gullible city DA BEARS! Yes it’s been 20 long years since the magical season that most of us were too young to appreciate. I maintain that just like man walking on the moon was a scam (some dudes in a TV studio pretending to walk in space in order for the government to rationalize the taking of trillions of tax dollars from us for the past 35 years) so were the 85 Bears. Walter Payton, Monsters of the Midway, the HoneyBears, Super bowl Shuffle, the Fridge, none of this was real. How could it be? How could the Chicago Bears be associated with this group of actors who assembled the greatest football team of all time? It was a hoax. Think about it, the McCaskey’s were the owners then right? And they have been the owners since then right? How is it that the worst owners in the history of the NFL could have had the best team in the history of the NFL? I did some research to see if it was just bad luck or were the Bears the worst team year after year on purpose. Just by looking at their first round picks since the “Super Bowl Year” (we all know never happened) it’s easy to see they are doing this shit on purpose. Here’s the list of first round draft picks by the Bears over the past twenty years. Keep in mind that since they usually have one of the worst records they usually get a pretty high pick.
Cedric Benson
Tommie Harris
Michael Haynes
Rex Grossman
Marc Colombo
David Terrell
Brian Urlacher
Cade McNown
Curtis Enis
Walt Harris
Rashaan Salam
John Thierry
Curtis Conway
Alonzo Spellman
Stan Thomas
Mark Carrier
Donnell Woolford
Trace Armstrong
Brad Muster
Jim Harbaugh
Neal Anderson

Enough said. Looks like they got another winner this year in Benson. No he’s not crazy at all. First he shaves his head because he was worried people will think he’s Ricky Williams (which at this point I pray he has as good a career as Ricky). Then he cries like a baby at the draft (come on you would to if you just got drafted by the Bears). Finally he decides to ruin his rookie year by holding out until the week before the season starts. For what? Nothing, the Bears made their final offer weeks ago. I think we should have traded the pick for lower first round picks then gotten a receiver and a quarterback. There were plenty of good backs in the later rounds. The Bears knew Benson was a head case. He tried to play baseball for the Dodgers but they cut him saying it seemed that he was only interested in the money. I think from now on the league should invoke a moratorium on drafting backs from the University of Texas.

Fantasy Football Draft Special.

2005-08-22T15:26:00.000-07:00

I have been consumed with studying for the upcoming fantasy football season. I have made probably a half a dozen draft boards. The water is so muddy this preseason with all the holdouts and running backs by committee. I have no idea who I will be taking on draft day. I only have the first six rounds here partially because I got sick of tying all this out and partially because I can’t give away my late round sleepaz and keepaz.

Round One
1. LaDainian Tomlinson-Hands down.
2. Shaun Alexander-Hopefully not bitter about offseason.
3. Priest Holmes-Remember what he did last time he came back from an injury
4. Peyton Manning-I would be happy to get him in the 1st round
5. Edgerrin James-Will he be motivated to prove the Colts wrong.
6. Duece Mcallister-Got his longterm deal. Saints to lean on him more.
7. Willis Mgahee-Unproven but has been a top back since becoming the starter.
8. Corey Dillion-Don’t get much more relieable than him.
9. Jamal Lewis-Injury questions?
10. Randy Moss-Second best receiver in the history of the NFL
11. Daunte Culpepper-Plenty of good receivers left in Minnesota.
12. Clinton Portis-Needs to bounce back after a down year.
13. Rudi Johnson-1500 yards I’ll take it.
14. Domanick Davis-Rushing, receiving, scoring. Hopefully stays healthy.

Round Two
1. Julius Jones-Dallas will lean on him heavily. Will he stay healthy?
2. Kevin Jones-Marriucci says Jones is about to break out.
3. Ahman Green-Also needs a bounce back year. Tough behind a weaker line.
4. Tiki Barber-Will Jacobs steal goal line carries?
5. Brian Westbrook-Who else does Donavan have to throw to?
6. Stephen Jackson-Has showed elite back potential.
7. Lamont Jordan-Defense's will be distracted by the deep threat.
8. Torry Holt-Lots o weapons in Indy and no TO make him the second best WR
9. Marvin Harrison-Offense too balanced in Indy for Marvin to dominate.
10. Curtis Martin-Led the league in rushing. Got to drop off eventually.
11. Chad Johnson-Should improve with a more mature Palmer.
12. Ronnie Brown-Ricky looking impressive in camp.Got to produce in 1st½.
13. Cadilac Williams-Handed the starting job.
14. Javon Walker-Hopefully no love lost as Farve’s favorite receiver.

Round Three
1. Trent Green-Record breaking last year.
2. Andre Johnson-Third year ready to break out.
3. Joe Horn-Consistently one of the best receivers in the league.
4. Michael Bennett-Looks good in the preseason, Tice giving him #1.
5. JJ Arrington-100 yr old Emmitt Smith got 1000 yds 9 TDs last year.
6. Darrell Jackson-Needs to start catching more balls in the red zone.
7. Deshawn Foster-Like Bennett will be a steal here if he stays healthy.
8. Kerry Collins-Can him and Moss co-exist.
9. Marc Bulger-Reportedly looking great in preseason.
10. Brett Farve-Maybe this is too high for him.
11. Mike Anderson-Risky pick boom or bust.
12. Donovan McNabb-Damn T.O. and the Eagles are messing up this draft.
13. Warrick Dunn-Great last year.
14. Nate Burleson-Shined during Moss’ injury last year.

Round Four
1. Lee Suggs-Should get the start in Cleveland.
2. Chris Brown-As with Suggs on a short leash.
3. Chris Chambers-Solid #1 receiver needs to return to 2003 numbers.
4. Micheal Clayton-First among super sophomore receivers.
5. Roy Williams-Second
6. Larry Fitzgerald-Third
7. Jerome Bettis-Staley out; he’ll have to run farther than a yard per TD.
8. Hines Ward-Steelers screwing him. Hopefully he doesn’t hold a grudge.
9. Fred Taylor-Reportedly he’s healthy so is Marcus Camby.
10. Terrell Owens-???????????????????????????????
11. Thomas Jones-Moves up everyday. I think Lovie hates Benson.
12. Steve Smith-He should probably go higher.
13. Ashley Lelie-Is he the #1 or is Rod Smith?
14. Matt Hassellback-Next three QB’s are similar to the ones taken a round earlier.

Round Five
1. Tom Brady-Tom is sick of being the golden boy, boo hoo.
2. Drew Brees-Out to prove last year was no fluke.
3. Jimmy Smith-Underrated.
4. Derrick Mason-Kyle Boller is on McNair.
5. Drew Bennett-McNair is no Billy Volek.
6. Deion Branch-May go high but overrated because of superbowl MVP.
7. Laverneous Coles-Reunited with Chad should be a rejuvenator.
8. Donald Driver-Brett isn’t mad at him.
9. Eddie Kennison-Quietly put up great numbers in second half last year.
10. Micheal Vick-I don’t know where to put this guy.
11. Tony Gonzalez-First TE could go higher than this.
12. Antonio Gates-Chargers doing him wrong. Suspended for first game so far.
13. Travis Henry-Tennessee welcomes Henry back home. Eventually a starter?
14. Jerry Porter-Good last year. Less defensive pressure on him because of Moss.

Round Six
1. Melwede Moore-Stud last year. Bennett owners better take him.
2. Isaac Bruce-Old old old but still produced last year. Look out for Curtis.
3. Lee Evans-May be Losman’s #1.
4. Larry Johnson-Stud last year. Priest owners better take him.
5. Plaxico Burress-Is Manning hurt?
6. Anquan Boldin-Coming back from an injury but is still a stud.
7. Eric Moulds-Has been declining in recent years.
8. Aaron Brooks-Decent #1
9. Jake Plummer-Quietly had a good year last season.
10. Jake Delhomme-Ditto.
11. Carson Palmer-Ready to break out.
12. Rod Smith-Evans/Mould. Lelie/Smith who do you take new or old guy?
13. Chad Pennington-Injury problems could be a steal with Coles back.
14. Tatum Bell-Wha happened? Some draft boards had him in top ten three weeks ago.

Who wants to marry a nerdionaire?

2005-08-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

I feel like the luckiest man in the world because I was able to marry a nerdionaire. One thing that makes Angela a nerdionaire is her absolute lack of knowledge in the field of pop culture. Five to ten years ago I would have found that to be very cool character trait. In my pathetic old age I find that what little knowledge I have is in the subject of pop culture. Where as Angela may be well informed about various conflicts in the Middle East due to many hours a week of NPR listening. I on the other hand possess more useful information such as a complete list of celebrities who star in their own homemade sex tapes. On a daily basis I ridicule my wife for her lack of real knowledge. Recently I have been compiling a list of celebrities who everyone on Earth (except Angela) knows about. This is an on going list that I will add to periodically. I would like you to know that this list doesn’t even take into account athletes, who are very much a part of present day pop culture. In fact, this list is missing many people I just can’t think of right now. Every time we are watching TV or listening to music Angela asks me “who is that?” no less 15 times. You will be amazed at some of the people on this list. She will claim she knows some of these people but I promise you even the few on this list that she claims to know I had to explain to her who they were no more than a few months ago.

List of people who my wife has no idea who they are:

Paris Hilton
Nicky Hilton
Jessica Simpson
Katie Holmes
Lindsey Lohan
Hillary Duff
Jessica Alba
Jennifer Biel
Shakira
Mandi Moore
Brooke Burke
Tara Reid
Ashley Simpson
Kelley Osbourne
Ashley Olsen
Jenna Jameson
Mary Kate Olsen
Shannon Elizabeth
Micha Barton
Jenny McCarthy
Tommy Lee
Lil Jon
Mike Jones
Nick Lachey
Kevin Federline
Wilmer Valderrama
Frankie Muniz
Johnny Knoxville
Tobey Maguire
Aston Kuchter
Seth Green
Sean William Scott
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Farnsworth Bentley
Jason Biggs
Orlando Bloom
Maddox Jolie…….

Miami Vice part duex

2005-08-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

*Sorry it took me so long to write part II but between Angela’s parents staying with us last week and then going up to the Wisconsin Dells for a bachelor party this weekend I have been too busy to post. I am sad that the Summer of Nate is almost over. Actually it is over, since that bachelor party I have decided to admit myself to the Betty Ford Clinic. See ya in 6 weeks!

Part Duex-

Monday- Our last full day in Florida. Again we wake up too late. Get up and then go to lay back down again this time by the pool. Ah vacation is rough. I can’t tell you how nice it is sitting next to a pool that is right next to the ocean, with a woman coming around every 15 minutes asking you if she can get you a drink. This did cause a dilemma for me though. You see I was raised to believe that people who lay around and do nothing on vacation are boring. Growing up (and even now) before going on a family vacation we were all handed our own personal copy of the itinerary for the trip. The itineraries offered very specific information including; the time period you would spend at each tourist attraction (down to the minute), the mode of transportation that would be taken to each destination, and how much each event would cost (looking back I don’t see why this was necessary information for a ten year old to have?) For some reason whenever we would visit a city our parents felt that we must see every single museum, monument, historical marker, biggest ball of string etc etc etc. It didn’t matter if we were there for a day or a week we were gonna see it all. Maybe we wouldn’t see it for a very long time or see it very closely but we were gonna be able to tell people we were there that’s for sure. We took a family trip to Washington DC when I was in seventh grade and although we went to no less than 500 attractions I couldn’t tell you a single thing we saw. The only memory I have of the trip is that right after the 6 of us crammed into the car for the cross country drive my parents unveiled the greatest surprise they have ever given us. My dad handed me a box and told me to open it. Inside was a brand new GAMEBOY!!!!
Something I swore my parents would never buy us. Of course they had an ulterior motive of trying to keep four brats quiet for a thirteen hour drive.
Anyways were was I? Oh sitting by the pool in Florida feeling guilty about sitting around. I decided to revert back to doing what I do best which is trying as hard as I can to keep busy without actually doing anything. I made a few lists. Put in a few hours of fantasy football research. Kept myself abreast of all the Hollywood relationships in my new People magazine. Man does that magazine suck. I never really realized this until last week. For the first time ever I bought a copies of People two consecutive weeks. Not a good idea folks. The magazine is ok once in a while but if you get it two straight weeks you are basically reading the same issue twice. They have nothing to talk about. What they are talking about is completely boring. Apparently the big news is Jennifer Aniston’s comments about Brad Pitt’s new bleached blonde hair. She says “Billy Idol called and he wants his hair back.” Thrilling.
We were going to go on a water taxi ride but since we were having an early dinner we decided to skip it and just lay by the pool for the rest of the day.
Monday Night- Our friend Dedi and her daughter Cherray planned a wonderful evening for us at a Polynesian Restaurant called Mai Kai, which turned out to be the highlight of our trip. The food, drinks and especially the entertainment were amazing. Cherray works at the restaurant so we got the V.I.P treatment, strong drinks, best seat in the house; we got to meet all of the Polynesian dancers the whole nine yards. After dinner there was an amazing Polynesian show. There was a band that played traditional music and dancers dressed in traditional garb. During the performance they made an announcement that it was me and Angela's one year wedding anniversary and they shined a spotlight on us. Then in our honor they played a special Tahitian love song. Later on in the performance they announced that they were gonna need two people in the audience to perform a Tahitian dance. I froze. There is nothing that I fear more than being called up on stage to dance. I was starting to have a panic attack because with all the VIP treatment we had been receiving I just knew we were gonna be the two they called up on stage. I studied Dedi and Cherray’s faces for clues that we were about to be called. They promised we weren’t but I didn’t believe them. All of a sudden the announcer comes over to us, the spotlight shines down and he makes Angela get out of her seat and go up on stage for a wild, freaky, free style, Tahitian jig. They also picked some other guy. Never have I felt so relieved. Angela did a great job doing a pretty embarrassing dance. Ask her to perform it for you one day.
Oh I almost forgot another highlight of the evening was when one of the busboys told us that the lead singer from the outstanding band “Smashmouth” was sitting two tables behind us. The whole night Angela (who has no idea who Smashmouth is) and I were turning around trying to catch a glimpse of an actual celebrity. Unfortunately, he had his back to us. At the end of the night I walked to the other side of the restaurant so I could turn around and walk back to catch a glimpse of this guy’s face. I saw him for a brief moment and…..hmmm I don’t know? I don’t think it was him? Not that I have the lead singer of “Smashmouth” facial features memorized but this guy looked too fat. After we left Cherray said she thought the bus boy had just said he saw someone who looked like the lead singer from “Smashmouth.” Man what a let down.

Tuesday- We go home today. First we go on that water taxi that we were supposed to go on yesterday. The boat took us up and down the intercostals. It was basically a tour of the rich and famous’ yachts and homes. Again do not do this if you want to remain sane. Wayne Hyzinga, owner of companies like Blockbuster Video, Alamo Rental car and the Miami Dolphins,just to name a few, had a nice 45 million dollar house. Next to his house was a 20 million dollar house he bought for his daughter as a wedding gift. His nephew’s 9 million dollar house was right down the way. I needed to get out of here.
We arrive at the airport way too early (another Rasmussen trait) so we decide to sit in the bar and get a few drinks. I find it fascinating people watching in an airport bar. Everyone’s life is so much more exciting than mine. Am I the only person in the world who isn’t constantly on a cell phone? All of a sudden a large group of travelers walks by. As I study them I am able to deduce that this group of thirty of the hottest women I have ever seen are in fact the Miami Dolphin Cheerleaders!!!!!!!!(It was written on their orange and green luggage.) A light bulb goes off in my head. Before the trip I bought an FHM magazine (for those that don’t know what FHM is it’s a men’s magazine similar to Maxim.) Normally I am not allowed to read such trash but on vacation I treat myself. Mainly because Angela buys herself 50 magazines every time she enters an airport so I should be allowed to buy something. We guys don’t have as big a variety of magazines to choose from as girls do. It’s not like I’m going to pick up a copy of Newsweek or the Economist for some light reading, so that leaves me with the Maxim, FHM, and Stuff genre. When I buy my FHM Angela makes a scene at the register which of course embarrasses the hell out of me. Its hard enough trying to buy a magazine with a half naked woman on the cover, but when your loud wife is yelling at you and causing a ruckus in public it just makes it that much harder.
Anyways I digress; when I saw the cheerleaders it reminded me that my FHM featured many NFL cheerleaders in skimpy bikinis. I had a quick thought that I would turn to the page with the Miami Dolphin Cheerleader, stop her, ask her for her autograph, pose for pictures, get her to fly home with us, convince her to move in with us and hire her as an au pair for little Yao. I rifled though all of our carry ons trying to find my FHM among Angela’s 50 magazines. Hurry, hurry, hurry they are getting away.
“What did you do with my FHM?” I yell at Angela
“Nothing.”
“You stole it devil woman! You were always jealous of her!”
“Why do you want it so bad?” she asked.
“I was going to get that cheerleader to sign her picture.”
“Really. Come on now Nate, you would have been too much of a pussy to ask her for her autograph anyway.”
Sadly she was right. I hung my head in shame as we got on the plane.

Miami Vice

2005-08-10T12:36:00.000-07:00

Angela and I have been on Vacation for the past five days visiting our friends Dedi and Cherray in Fort Lauderdale. Here’s the minute to minute account of our trip that you have been waiting for. However, I will have to make it a two part series because this much hedonism can’t fit into one blog.

Friday evening- Touch down in Fort Lauderdale. Jesus H. Christ its hot here!

Saturday- Wake up early. We going to South Beach today!!! Finally all of my prayers have been answered. I see many TI TAY’s and THONGS on South Beach. I try to persuade Angela into going topless but she’s not having it. The main thing I learn at South Beach is what a fat, old, pale, balding, un hip, devoid of muscles, tatooless, hairy backed, bad dressing, poor, sweaty, no girls looking my way, cheap, hornball, pathetic loser I am. Damn I hate that! I couldn’t live down here I would be angry every day. I recommend not visiting it only reminds you of how pathetic your wretched little Midwestern life really is. Angela declares that next week we will be going health club and treadmill shopping. I declare that I will be getting my stomach stapled, botox and teeth whitening surgery.

Saturday night- Back to Fort Lauderdale. We go to this awesome casino. Well casino doesn’t really explain the place too well. In fact the casino part of it kinda sucked (even though I won $50) all they had was slots and poker. What was cool about this huge complex is that they had every kind of bar you could dream of and all of them were packed with beautiful people. The first bar we went to was called Tequila Ranch. The main attraction at this bar is a feisty mechanical bull. Hundreds of people crowd around it and wait in line to ride it. The mechanical bull’s movements are controlled by a guy standing next to the ring using a joystick. Whatever he wants the bull to do is his decision. This is the profession that I have been looking to get into. Apparently this mechanical bull operator didn’t enjoy watching men ride the bull because he usually flung them off in about two violent seconds. The ladies who rode the bull, however, were treated to a very sexy, bouncy ride. Oh I could of stood there all night. Watching girls bounce and jiggle got a little old for Angela and Dedi so we were off to another bar. Dedi wanted to show us this awesome bar that had dozens of pool tables and other games. It was a pretty sheik billiard hall. The best part were the ten foot tall TV screens that played old and new school music videos, while the speakers blared the song. I thought this was a very cool concept. We watched funny old school videos for hours. My new favorite song/video is “Everybody’s working for the weekend.”

Sunday- Nothing much we wake up too late and eat way too much at breakfast. We decide to be adventurous and drive to Miami without a map or any kind of plan for the day. Knowing full well that I hate being lost and I hate moving unless there is a set destination. In fact, the Rasmussen credo is “never be without your map and your itinerary.” I would have had both of these items but before the trip Angela assured me that we would not have time to be site seeing in Miami. After driving around Miami lost for a few hours we finally break down and buy a map. I wanted to check out Miami’s Cuban heritage so we drove around Little Havana. We decided to go to the Cuban Historical Society but of course it was closed. We then picked out a few other Cuban Museums to go to. This is where I started to feel like I was in the twilight zone. We drove to the exact places were the map said these two museums were and for some reason no museums were there. Beyond frustrated and confused at this point I speed out of Little Havana as fast as possible and head towards South Beach determined to stop at the first tourist attraction I see. We end up spotting a place called Parrot Jungle Island. I read a little about it on the internet and it sounded like it might be kinda cool (and at this point I didn’t even care.) Parrot Jungle Island is a huge zoo like area where parrots and monkeys roam around freely. They also had some other animals in cages. What a rip off this place was! I dropped a hundo with nothing to show for it but a crappy cafeteria style lunch. There were a couple of cool moments though. The parrots enjoyed mocking Angela’s loud ass laugh. Also I got to see a man playing with these orangutans. The orangutans were wearing diapers because they were just babies. The funny part was their diapers were leaking pee all over this guy. Oh and I almost forgot, seeing the orangutans led to a wonderful argument with my lovely wife. Angela, for some reason, was convinced that you pronounce the word orangutan like oranguTAN(like the color) and I felt more comfortable with the more common oranguTANG (like the drink) pronunciation.

Stayed tuned for part two to hear about my run ins with the Miami Dolphin cheerleaders, a certain famous lead singer and the highlight of our trip.

Inside the Actors Studio

2005-08-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

James Lipton of “Inside the Actors Studio” called me up today. After we talked for awhile about my illustrious career and interesting personal life he asked me the ten questions he asks all the other actors at the end of his show.

What is your favorite word? …...booty
What is your least favorite word?......George W. Bush
What turns you on?..........half naked women.
What turns you off?.........people who are late.
What sound do you love?.......my wife’s voice
What sound do you hate?.......my dog barking at 6 am.
What is your favorite curse word……bitch! (non gender specific usage)
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?....professional basketball player
What profession would you not like to participate in?.........armed forces
If heaven exists, what would you like god to say as you arrive at the pearly gates?.....;I’m buying

In your responses offer your own answers to these questions.

Quite Frankly

2005-08-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

I caught the new sports talk show from Stephen A. Smith yesterday afternoon called Quite Frankly. Quite Frankly, and I am no Stephen A. hater, it sucked. Do we really need to see an hour long interview with Allen Iverson? Stephen needs to know the attention spans of his target audience. It was a very timely interview in which they decided to discuss things like Iverson’s “we talkin bout practice” press conference as well as Iverson and Larry Brown’s relationship. Come on Stephen A. we all know you are friends with Iverson you don’t need to brag. Why you would choose to have him on for your first ever episode is beyond me. As you all know I am not an Iverson hater either (I have the jersey and next fantasy season will be at least his third year on my team) but the interview showed me that he is a mess. He was crying like a baby when they talked about Larry Brown. Also he kept talking about how he’s just this regular guy and he’s gonna be a soldier for his new coach Mo Cheeks but while talking about how regular he is gonna be the whole time he is referring to himself in the third person. Hopefully it gets better because I thought I liked these two.
In honor of Stephen A’s new show I have a rant of my own. I am so tired of all these sports reporters always taking managements side when there is a contract dispute. What do these sports reporters have to gain from this besides covertly sharing their beliefs that they think (mostly black) athletes are lazy, greedy and without moral values. Sports reporters for the most part are such clones, incapable of having a thought that is not in line with a corporate point of view. All we ever hear about is the greedy athlete who plays a kids game for millions (which is true). But the owners are making billions to their millions. You never hear about the greedy owners. The people who deserve the money the most are the players. They are the ones providing the entertainment. They are the reason the owners are making hundreds of millions of dollars. I am not crying over the poor athlete that is not getting what they are due. I’m just saying I am sick of always hearing the one sided reporting.
Good for Terrell Owens for trying to get what his market value is. If the owners in the NFL are upset they should have guaranteed contracts. No one complains when the owners give players pay cuts because they are not living up to what they are being paid. They cut salaries even when the players are not underperforming. NFL contracts don’t mean anything. But when an athlete tries to renegotiate then he is greedy. Owens signed a terrible contract last year. If the Eagles weren’t greedy they would have given him a more fair contract to begin with.
The NFL treats running backs as if they were work animals. They over work running backs for the first five years of their careers. Then when its time for the back to get paid, to sign a new contract, after carrying a team for so long and taking the worst beating on the field they claim the back is too old and damaged goods. Edgerrin James has been a star for Indy for years. The Colts give Peyton Manning a huge contract. They give Marvin Harrison a huge contract. But they can’t give Edgerrin a contract? They put these one year franchise tags on them just in case the player gets hurt. Then they often don’t get to make as much as they could have because running backs don’t last as long.

When ever a player is trying to get a bigger payday they are “selfish”. But when the owners feel they don’t want a player anymore then it’s called a “business.” A lot of this has to do with the fact that the media has a vested interest in the status quo where corporations rule individuals. And of course race plays a part. Why is the quarterback usually the highest paid player on the team? Brett Farve is pissing me off with this Javon Walker situation. Brett is calling Walker out for threatening to hold out. Rather than stick up for his teammate Brett sides with management stating he has never threatened to hold out. DUH Brett! We can’t all be the golden child. We can’t all be handed the biggest contract on the team. Some people have to twist arms to get what they are due. Of course (with Brett’s help) Javon Walker is labeled as greedy but then again he is not a white quarterback so what do we expect.

Babies

2005-07-30T05:26:00.000-07:00

*sorry I haven't posted lately I have been busy. I am thinking of changing the format of the blog from long stories every other day to short blurbs a few times a day. We'll see I'm sure you are all sitting on the edge of your seats.

So Angela and I were laying in bed Saturday morning awake at 5:00 am for some reason talking about baby names.* Yeah I know we’re pretty cool huh? Anyways I can not divulge all of the names we talked about because I know you biters will try to copy our style. Our friends just had a baby. I remember when they told us they were pregnant, they said “If it’s a boy we want to name it Miles and if it’s a girl we want to name it _____.” I couldn’t believe it those were the exact two names that Angela and I picked out for our own baby! (They ended up having a Miles and I can’t tell you what name they wanted for a girl because we are still planning on using that name.) Since they were having an actual baby and we were only having a pretend baby we let them have the name Miles. But it woulda been cool Miles Davis Rasmussen. We’ll have to have our girl before they do so they don’t steal that one as well.
So we thought of a bunch of names most of mine were shot down by my lovely wife.

Girls
Condaleeza
Omarosa
Trichelle
Tanya
Kelly Clarkson
Boys
Colon
Puck
Jeff Probst
R. Kelly
Rueben Studdard

If we have a kid I want to name it after a sports legend which is why I suggested O.J. Or maybe my favorite baseball player of all time, Jose Canseco. Angela suggested the name Stephan (pronounced Steff on. Not Steven). At first I really liked this. I love Stephan Marbury the legendary point guard and play ground legend straight outta tha BK (Brooklyn). But then I started thinking that Angela would probably turn him into Stephan the hairstylist. This sports legend idea isn’t working out.

Then I thought alright how about a famous politician or government official. I was thinking Condileeza and Colon but there are just way too many ways those names could be made fun of or turned into other words that sound like them. Then I had a brilliant idea. We would use both of our father’s names and at the same time would be naming him after one of the most respected men in Washington…. Clarence Thomas. Unfortunately we ended up nixing that name as well. We were afraid some of the kids at school that were into early nineties trivia might call our poor son Pubic Hair on the Coke Guy. I was getting frustrated. Angela was shooting down all my ideas. “We got to name him after something famous happening in the news,” I said. “I know how about Gitmo!”
Little Gitmo. It’s so cute.

Angela suggested naming it after a famous musician. If it was a girl I wanted to call her Pink. Angela said how about Kelly Clarkson. I thought Kelly Clarkson Rasmussen had a nice ring to it. I thought R Kelly Rasmussen sounded nice, but what if they call him
R Kelly R for short. That would be lame. We thought Clay Aiken or Ruben Studdard would be nice. But what if he had Achy joints or a Studdaring problem. Kids can be so cruel to each other.

I noticed in the news lately (and by news of course I mean E! Hollywood News and People magazine) the trendy thing for hot Hollywood A-listers to do is to name their kids after inanimate objects. For instance, Gwenneth Paltrow and the dude from Coldplay named their kid Apple. Angela said we should name it after something we’ve always wanted but were never able to have. How about TIVO? I thought it would be sweeter to name it after something that we use every day and couldn’t live without, Toilet Paper Rasmussen.
We decided we better just name them after what we know best, reality TV stars. Who wouldn’t want their child to carry on the legacy of a Trichelle or Tonya from the Real World? Angela didn’t seem as impressed with their feats as I was. Oh well, after hours of arguing we finally settled on Yao 2.

*note: Parents and In-laws in writing this story I am in no way trying to say that Angela is currently pregnant.

Hollywood

2005-07-24T08:11:00.000-07:00

*Hey folks I'm taking the weekend off enjoy the musings of guest blogger Dug.
Has everyone in Hollywood lost their mind? Or does every consumer like to waste money on crap? Lately every single movie you see coming out is either a remake that should have never been made, or just a crappy looking movie. Unfortunately I have also contributed to this crap, but that won't happen anymore. A year ago I wasted $7.50 to go watch Harold and Kumar go to White Castle…this movie wasn’t all that bad but it sure wasn’t worth $7.50 to see. I should have known it was going to be a waste of money when the 16 year ticket boy asked for my ID to get in the movie.
But let’s take a look at some of this crap I speak about. First you have Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Sure it has Johnny Deep and yeah he is a talented actor, but does anyone really want to watch this? First I can’t stand seeing Johnny Deep in the previews it makes me sick. Second they showed some of the umpa lumpas and what the hell was that, those are not umpa lumpas. Before you could call someone an umpa lumpa and everyone would get it, now it means nothing. This movie at best is a rent.
Another remake that looks terrible is The Bad News Bears. This movie really should have been left on the shelf. The original Bad News Bears was great, once they went to Tokyo and Russia a remake shouldn’t have even been thought of. I am interested to see who they have to play Kelly (the Marlboro smoking dirt bike riding punk with the greasy hair) that kid was a perfect dirt ball. I will catch this one on Sunday night in 4 years.
You know Hollywood completely lost their mind when they made Bewitched into a movie. Did anyone really watch the TV show when it was on…or even now? This looks like the biggest piece of crap out right now. I am a fan of Will Ferrell but there is no way I am going to see this ever. One good thing about this movie is that it proves my point that Nicole Kidman is completely over-rated.
Since I mentioned Bewitched I guess I have to address the Dukes of Hazard. Embarrassing as it sounds, I will probably rent this one. Any movie with Johnny Knoxville, Stiffler and Jessica Simpson has to be good.
I can’t wait until next summer when I get to see previews for the new C.H.I.P.S. remake where A.C. Slater is going to play Ponch. And the Happy Days movie where we will all enjoy seeing Ben Afflect play Fonzi while Owen Wilson plays Ralph Mouth. I hope they still let Mr. Miyagi play Arnold like he did 30 years ago…..

Kings of Comedy

2005-07-21T12:26:00.000-07:00

Last night I saw a special on the great comedian Bob Newhart and it inspired me to come up with my list of all time great stand up comedians. You see, along with sports and reality TV, another passion of mine is comedy. The lists I created made me reminisce about the 80’s and early 90’s, which compared to today was a golden era of stand up comedy. When I was a pre-teen my brother and I would watch many different stand up shows on Friday and Saturday nights. I think they were usually on Fox or A&E (who could forget Geechie Guy’s bit on riding the bus). I would dream of someday becoming a great stand up comedian.
I wanted to make a list specifically about stand up comedians because it seems that stand up comedy has hit a dry spell. Mocumentaries and improvisation are more en vogue now a days. I have left many people off of these lists in an attempt to narrow them down a bit. Almost all comedians try their hand at stand up at some point in their career. I wanted to highlight some who were the best of their era. While many stand up comedians have gone on to become big stars in movies or on TV, for the most part the comics on my list were at their best on stage with nothing but a microphone and a bar stool. (Sorry Carrot Top and Gallagher).
I split my list into five eras’; pre 1970’s, The 70’s, The 80’s, The 90’s and the 2000’s. I wanted to stick to the top 5 format that I am used to but it was just to hard to leave a few of these folks out so I had to fudge. Also of course this list is just my own opinion. I did leave some big names off such as: Robin Williams, Dennis Miller, Tim Allen, Jeff Foxworthy, Dennis Leary and Andrew Dice Clay mostly because I just don’t think these people are that funny.

Pre 1970’s (*I must admit I don’t know too much about this era. I have seen or heard some material from some of these comics. Others I am just listing because of reputation. I will list the comics whose stand up I have actually heard first for this era.)
1. Bill Cosby
2. Redd Foxx
3. Bob Newhart
4. Milton Berle
5. Johnny Winters
6. Alan King

Others that I can’t leave off the list (and I’m sure I’m missing dozens) are:
1. Lenny Bruce
2. Jack Benny
3. Moms Mabley
4. Don Rickles
5. Mort Sahl
6. etc, etc….

1970’s

1. Richard Prior (probably the best ever)
2. George Carlin (or maybe he was)
3. Robert Klein (most of the greats list him as major influence)
4. Albert Brooks (in my top 10 funniest people of all time no doubt)
5. Steve Martin(not a huge fan of most of his movies butwas good at stand up)
6. Andy Kaufman

1980’s

1. Eddie Murphy (in my top five if not my top two)
2. Sam Kinison (haven’t heard too much of his stuff enough to know he funny)
3. Rodney Dangerfield (getting “no respect” on this list.)
4. Gary Shandling (his first show on Fox was kind of a precursor to Seinfeld)
5. Roseanne Barr (she was funny and pretty revolutionary at the time)
6. Bill Hicks (haven’t seen enough of him but I hear he was great)

1990’s

1. Steven Wright (awesome but I need to see more of his stuff)
2. Jerry Seinfeld (better at stand up than sitcom)
3. Martin Lawrence (same here)
4. Ellen Degeneres (ditto)
5. Sinbad (the stand up to sit com era,apologies to Brett Butler and Paul Riser)
6. Janeane Garaffalo (I remember her as being funny what happened?)

2000’s

1. Dave Chappelle (needs to rebound)
2. Chris Rock
3. David Cross (seen just enought to know how funny he is)
4. Eddie Izzard (again I need to see more)
5. Bernie Mac (the Kings of Comedy era begins)
6. Cedric the Entertainer
7. Wanda Sykes (and Queens.)

Just to reiterate many, many funny people who have done stand up were left off including: Most Saturday Night Live alum, all Canadians, comedy writers, physical comedians, prop comics etc….anyone whose bread and butter was not specifically stand up comedy.

Summer Reality Reviews

2005-07-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

Man lucky for you guys I have no desire to do anything meaningful with my life. As I have mentioned before I have been having a tough time connecting with these new summer reality TV series’. However, I have been receiving a lot of pressure from my editors to put out this season’s reality TV reviews. Although I have seen, on average, only one or two episodes of each of these shows (sometimes less than ten minutes of a show) I still feel that I can give each one a fair critique.

The Surreal Life- This is the granddaddy of summer reality shows for me. I was most excited about this one. Unfortunately, so far it has not lived up to my expectations. One of the reasons I liked this show so much is that it was relatively real. These 7 or 8 washed up stars lived in a house together and for the most part seemed relatively genuine (whether they were genuine weirdoes, alcoholics, or assholes.) In a reality show it is important, at least to me, that there be some semblance of believability. This season the Surreal Life is going down the road that so many other reality shows before it have gone down, the road of over sensationalizing. We need a little bit of reality in our reality shows. The same thing happened to the Real World. For some reason after the fourth season of the Real World the creators felt that they needed to spice it up a bit. So instead of going with a diverse group of regular people, they decided that from now on they were only allowing the short tempered, narrow minded, incredibly good looking, binge drinking nymphomaniacs that we see in modern day Real World episodes. It’s really too bad because that was a good show and I hope the Surreal Life doesn’t start to suck but inevitably it will. On the first episode almost everyone was completely crazy. They were all talking so much shit about each other. They all hated each other before they even met. Come on now! Balki Bartokomouse is this pathetic, groping, fat, balding mess. Omarosa and Janice Dickenson are so over the top hate able that it’s not even interesting. Then they have these two people that I have never even heard of (some motocross guy and some model.) Weren’t these people supposed to be at least a little bit famous? Jose Canseco and Pepa (from SaltnPepa) are the only two normal ones in the house.
I was slightly more encouraged by the second episode. The gang has to bowl vs. a group of developmentally disabled people. Janice Dickenson is so sad. She’s calling them retards and Rainman and stuff. She looks so nasty with all the plastic surgery she has had. There’s no doubt she’s on drugs. I am straining to remember a more messed up individual in the history of reality TV. Come to think of it, the five most pathetic people in reality TV history probably all come from this series (Corey Feldman, Vanilla Ice, Bridgette Nielsen, Chyna Doll and Janice Dickenson.) Although, given time, I’m sure I could think of some more pathetic examples from other shows. Anyway, I was slightly encouraged because at least the rest of the housemates were appalled at her appalling behavior. Omarosa showed that she may indeed be a real person and not just a character.

The Real World- I have seen all four of this seasons episodes so I am highly qualified to hate on this show. Actually as Real Worlds go this one is not half bad so far. First of all there was “the punch.” The single most impressive act of violence ever committed on a reality show. I have never seen someone punched with so much force. I was thrilled to see it was the cute guy with the charming Boston accent getting the left side of his face bashed in by some random guy on the street. This was all started by the resident drunk of the house, Johanna, who is Johotashell too bad she is such a mess. Of course after the fight everyone goes to blame the black guy and hot girl is never even questioned by guy who almost lost his sight. Ooooh this show is so aggravating. Why do they always put 6 stupid ass white people and 1 not stupid black person on the show? Is that fair? Why do these not stupid black people keep signing up to be a part of this? Are they masochists or something? Of course you are gonna get attacked when you speak out against George Bush or the war. What the hell are you thinking black guy? You are living with six stupid ass white people. The guy from Boston just epitomizes everything that is wrong about this show. “I think Bush is a good leadah.” (Great they found the one republican in Boston.) Then black guy says, “Well I don’t see why he had to start this war?”
Stupid Boston guy says, “what the hell are you talking about pally, what about 4,000 dead people is that not enough?” Apparently he was saying the reason we are at war with Iraq has something to do with the people that died in the World Trade Center. Black guy should have said “What are you talking about? The people who bombed the World Trade Center were from Afghanistan?” (actually Saudi Arabia but that’s a whole other topic). Of course black guy doesn’t say this because he has already lost his brain by spending so much time with these people. *On a more positive note there probably has never been a show with two girls as hot as Johanna and Melinda . The other girl is alright but I am struggling to think of another pair that rivals Johanna and Melinda . Someone help me out. Real World Miami had two or three hot girls (Flora, Cynthia and Melissa). I know many seasons have had a hot chick or two but none match up to these two
Minding the Store- I just saw the first two episodes of this one last night. My childhood idol, Pauly Shore, is back and horny as ever. This could be the best show of the season because it seems the most real. Pauly is a has been personality who has now been relegated to running his mom’s comedy club (the legendary, but struggling, Comedy Store). It shows him going to his sex therapist (he is a sex addict). His main goal is to try to revive the struggling business while simultaneously trying to resurrect his career. His relationships with the other people on the show are genuine and often times hilarious, especially his interactions with his father. Let’s just say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Being Bobby Brown- I can’t watch this show sober. I heard if you play the Pink Floyd album Dark Side of the Moon as soon as the show starts and push mute on the TV the music matches perfectly to the characters movements on the show.

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy-This show is so old. Can we please put make over shows to bed now? I was all excited to see the first episode of the season featuring the Red Sox. It sucked. I wanted to see David “Big Papi” Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Pedro, Schilling. Instead I get Doug Mirabelli and Tim Wakefield who the hell cares about them? At least they had Johnny Damon and his hot little wife on there but even that was anti climatic. None of the players even got haircuts or shaves. They just got massaged, waxed and new clothes big deal.

Dances with the Stars- I don’t know what is more surprising; that I never have seen a minute of this show or that so many other people watched it? Why was it so popular? It looked awful. I guess that Seinfeld guy could really dance and he didn’t even win it. That’s a shame.

The Cut- It’s the Apprentice meets Project Runway. Tommy Hilfiger plays Donald Trump. I have barely seen any of this show but I know it ain’t that good. One comedic highlight is that Tommy is trying to maintain the appearance that he is a heterosexual. Come on now Tommy. You may not be a real designer but you are real gay!

Hogan Knows Best- Sorry Doug and Mel but this show looks terrible. I do like in the commercials when Hogan shuts the door and then does this weird pose where he smoothes out his mustache and flexes. I laugh every time I see that. I’m still waiting for the show “Everyone loves The Ultimate Warrior.”

Celebrity Fit Club- Gary Busey someone needs to put that dude out of his misery. You see this is why we need to reopen all the mental institutions. This dude should not be allowed to walk among us.

This American Life

2005-07-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

I’m still awaiting Ira Glass’s phone call until then let me allow you to feel better about your life by sharing my pathetic daily schedule with you. What I did over my summer vacation.

8:30 am- Blinding sunlight pours through the eastward facing, large picture window. I erect a wall of pillows on the bed in between me and the sun.
8:45 am- Awakened by putrid smell of my own morning breath ricocheting off the wall of pillows back into my face. I’m envious of my wife who has no problem sleeping until noon even though she rarely does. Damn it! Ever since that fate full day that we started “dating” a decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life was made; I chose the right side of the bed.
9:00 am- Yao wakes up in his cage. Apparently, he too is unhappy with his sleeping arrangement and begins to bark loudly.
9:02 am- Angela is busy pretending to sleep. I give her subtle “accidental” jabs on the back and legs in the hopes that she will wake up and handle the dog barking problem.
9:10 am- Annoyed by the constant demands from the two men in her life Angela gets out of bed and lets one of them out of his cage to go for a walk.
9:15 am- Alright! I am now in a dog free house. This gives me the extra boost I need to get me out of bed.
9:16 am- Go to the kitchen to perform my only contribution to the family unit. It is however the most important task. I make the coffee.
9:20 am- While waiting for coffee and the return of Angela and Yao I turn on all the TV’s and the computer. Oprah takes me through breakfast.
9:45 am- Start to feel effects of the first drug of the day (caffeine). I am now rapidly traveling down the information superhighway. Crucial information about batting averages, Tom Cruise, Jenny Finch, Steve Dahl, fantasy baseball free agents, Larry Brown, Dave Chappelle, reality TV, baseball player injury news and random blogs is received. Continue to look at pictures, read articles and statistics for the next three hours.
12:45 pm- Turn around and chastise Yao for being a lazy bum. He opens one eye briefly then goes back to sleep. Oh well, back to the internet for me.
1:15 pm- Start feeling bored. Energy level is lowering. I stand up and feel light headed. My legs and butt ache. There is a strange feeling in my stomach. I guess its time for lunch. I go to the kitchen to prepare grilled cheese, a hot dog or frozen pizza depending on my mood. At the first sound of cellophane crackling Yao jumps out of his slumber and joins me in the kitchen. I tell him “You ain’t gettin shit!” He patiently waits for me to mess up while preparing my food and drop something on the ground.
1:25 pm- I desire a change of scenery while I dine so I plop down in front of the TV in the living room. Yao sits inches from my food. He stares at me; he stares at the food, waiting for his chance. Finally he gives up and goes to eat his own food, getting most of it on his face and on the floor. He returns to the couch. I make fun of him for having food all over his face. He takes revenge by licking me for 5 minutes straight.
1:45 pm- I wonder what the weather is like today? I go check the temperature on the trusty internet. Stay on for another hour.
2:45 pm- Start feeling anxious. Like there is something I am supposed to be doing but not quite sure what. Yao wants to play. He picks up a dirty sock and dares me to chase him. I start to, but he changes his mind and decides we are going to have a tug o’ war instead.
3:00 pm- Sick of playing I let Yao win. I get up to do something else but he is not through playing. He jumps up to bite the bottom of my shorts. He latches on and begins pulling them down. I swat at him. He begins barking at me, with his butt in the air and tail wagging. I jump at him to try to make him flinch. He does the same thing to me. Then he begins running frantically in circles around the living room jumping on couches messing up the rug.
3:05 pm- Yao won’t leave me alone so it’s off to the cage for him. He handles the punishment well by promptly falling asleep.
3:10 pm- Now I am feeling guilty for doing “nothing” all day. It’s after three already? Looking at the glass as half empty I feel like a loser for wasting the day. Looking at it as half full I realize I am that much closer to tomorrow. The boring day is almost through and I can enjoy primetime television viewing. Before that happens I must accomplish something. Ah ha! I unload the dishwasher.
3:20 pm-Back to the internet.
4:00 pm- Yao is awake and he’s pissed. Ok. Ok. I let him out of the cage and put his leash on. “Do you wanna go outside? Do you wanna go outside?” I feel proud of myself because not only am I going outside to take the dog for a short walk but I am also taking out the garbage. What would Angela do without me?
4:01 pm- Whoa! It’s hot out here! Walk Yao around the block wading through all the litter in our neighborhood. Yao chokes himself by trying to chase a bicyclist. He poops. I wonder what the people at Glad would think if they knew what we’re using their sandwich bags for? I throw the poop in someone else’s garbage can.
4:15 pm- Race Yao up the four flights of stairs. I win again! Phew, I’m exhausted. I sit back down on the couch. One of my favorite shows, “Pardon the Interruption,” is almost on. Remote in hand I sit down and start working my magic. Because we have digital cable, I am able to read about everything that’s going to be on that night with just the click of a button. I set multiple reminders that will pop up every time a show I want to watch starts.
4:30 pm- Begin some quality television watching.
5:30 pm- Angela comes home from whatever she was doing all day. I tell her about all the work Yao and I have been doing all day. She tells me about what she did. Teaching people how to teach technology to underprivileged children or something or other? I tell her to take the dog out.
6:00 pm- Eat dinner. Grilled cheese, a hotdog or frozen pizza depending on my mood.
6:30 pm- Back to the TV, Angela’s got work to do. She’s in school getting another masters or something or other.
7:00 pm- Watching TV. I’m a little concerned about something. I have been trying to get into these new summer reality TV series’ and it has really been a struggle. None of these new shows are sparking my interest. Can it be that I am recovering from my reality TV addiction? Luckily some old stand bys like The Real World and The Surreal Life are on this summer.
8:00 pm- This new reality TV dilemma is stressing me out. Second drug of the day (beer) is consumed to help relax me. I hunker down and try to work through my new reality TV problem.
8:30 pm- It’s just not the right. I gotta wait until September for the new season of Survivor? I’m antsy. Third drug of the day (nicotine) is consumed.
9:00 pm- Time to poop. I actually read something that is not on a screen.
9:15 pm-Back to the TV.
10:00 pm- Take Yao out for the last time of the day. Instead of going around the block we walk approximately fifty feet and then turn around and go home.
10:05 pm- Bother Angela for a while.
10:10 pm- Back to the old you know what.
11:00 pm- Go out on the back porch for one last smoke. Listen to neighbors yell and curse at each other in a variety of languages.
11:15 pm-Tell Angela I’m going to bed. She tells me to put the dog to bed. “God do I have to do everything around here?” I ask. Put the dog to bed.
11:20 pm- Brush teeth.
11:25 pm- Get in bed and wait for Angela to come to bed. Angela waits until I fall asleep and then comes to bed.

Future HOFers

2005-07-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I made my all time greatest ever line up. Today I will focus on the greatest current players. Again I will have a list of starters and their reserves. Most of these players do not compare with the folks on yesterday’s list (Although their home run totals are inflated). All of these players should find their way into the Hall of Fame. However, time will tell how their numbers will be judged.

First Base- Albert Pujols. I know, I know it’s too early to call but just look at his numbers. In his first four years he is averaging 40 homers, 125 RBI, .335 avg. Pretty much nobody has ever done that before. He should have no problem hitting 600 homers. This is a very deep position maybe I should have put Rafael Palmeiro as the starter. He will end up with over 600 homers and 3000 hits. Only two or three other people have ever done that I think Pujols has a chance to.
RESERVE: Rafael Palmeiro.

Second Base- Alfonso Soriano. Yet again probably too early to give it to him. He gets about 30 homers a year. He needs to keep his average up and return to his base stealing ways. He and his reserve will be the all time home run leaders at this position but that is not as impressive any more.
RESERVE: Jeff Kent. Hits for average. Will have the most home runs as a second basemen for some time. Until 10-12 years from now when Soriano catches him.

Shortstop- Miguel Tejada. This was a tough one. Things change very fast. Three or four years ago the big three of ARod, Jeter and Garciaparra ruled this position. ARod would still rule but he’s at third now. Garciaparra’s career has been nothing but injuries lately. This leaves Jeter and Tejada. Tejada is a multi MVP type talent. He hits for power and he is starting to get his average up. Before its all said and done he could be the all time home run leader at this position. Jeter is great. He should get 3,000 hits. He doesn’t have enough power. Doesn’t steal enough bases. I think he’s a little over rated just because he’s the leader of the Yankee’s (btw it’s been five years since the Yankee’s won one.)
RESERVE: Derek Jeter.

Third Base- Arod. Hands down. He might become the best player of all time, frosted tips and all. I can’t even put a reserve behind him there is nobody else. Scott Rolen? He won’t do. Jeff Bagwell better hope they move him to third because that’s the only way he makes this list as a reserve. Sorry Jeff, first base is too deep.

Catcher- I rod. The only reason I type “Arod” and “Irod” because I’m not sure how to spell Rodriquez is it with a “q” or a “g” ??? I was gonna put Piazza here but last night I heard Tim Macarver say Ivan was the best defensive catcher of all time. What Macarver says goes. Ipod hits for average and power. He is not a big pussy like Piazza. In fact isn’t there someone else besides Piazza I could put in here? Is Benito Santiago still active?
RESERVE: Mike Piazza

Left Field- Bonds.
RESERVE: Manny Ramirez. He should make the Hall. Not the best defender but will end up as one of the best hitters on this team.

Center Field- Ken Griffey Jr. As long as he can finish out this decade as half the player he was in the nineties that should be enough. Barring injury (ha!) he should hit over 600 homers. He needs to work on getting that avg. back up.
RESERVE: Ichiro. Hey I saw him playing center last night in the all star game so I’m moving him over to. He really could be the starter. Dude got his first 1,000 hits in four years! How old is he? He should get over 3,000 hits easy. He steals 40 bases a year and is the best defensive outfielder in the league.

Right Field- Sammy Sosa. Again anyone that hits over 600 homers should probably make the list. He used to hit for average kinda, sorta, maybe.
RESERVE: Gary Sheffield-He may not make the Hall. He started off kinda slow hitting 30 homers only once in his first 7 seasons. He has only hit 40 twice. That doesn’t cut it for outfielders in today’s game. He needs to play five more years. Larry Walker hit for better average but he played in Montreal and Colorado he has no chance. Also he is already talking about retiring, no chance. Vladimir Guerrero will probably be better than both of these guys but he seems so fragile.

Pitchers- I nominated six pitchers yesterday I’ll do that today although I think most of these guys are right handers.
Randy Johnson
Greg Maddux
Roger Clemens
Mariano Rivera
John Smoltz
Pedro Martinez
Pedro needs a few more years under his belt but I gave him the nod over Schilling and Glavine.

Designated Hitter- Frank Thomas. As much as I didn’t want to put this “position” on here I couldn’t leave the big skirt off the list. No way he is making the first basemen list. Some people don’t agree, but I think he needs to play five more years. A lot of people hate him. He needs to pad those stats.

All Time Greatest Line Up.

2005-07-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

In honor of tonight’s all star game I wanted to come up with my all time greatest line up. The best player at every position is in the line up. It was too hard to narrow it down to just one player per position so I assigned a reserve for each position as well.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, making all time baseball lists is a challenging feat. Everyone knows the many factors that go into these lists including: steroids, segregation, the designated hitter, juiced balls, raised and lowered mounds, big and small ball parks, weight training, improved technology and so much more. For example just last night, while watching the home run derby, I learned that at the old Polo Grounds the center field wall was 484 feet from home plate! The center field wall at the old Yankee Stadium was 463 feet from home plate! Those are like almost 100 feet further than some of the smaller parks today. Anyways here we go…
First Base-Lou Gehrig. This was one of the easiest choices. He has the best overall numbers. His consecutive game streak is the most impressive in baseball. Ripken’s doesn’t even compare when you think about how long ago Gehrig played and Gehrig’s health issues. He has a disease named after him! His career was cut short.
RESERVE: Pete Rose- Baseball’s hit king. Baseball’s jack ass.

Second Base-Rogers Hornsby. This one was a little closer. He has the best overall numbers by far; however, think about what Jackie Robinson could have done. Jackie’s career was cut in half. I would give this to Jackie just for having the courage to step on the field. If he played 20 years he would have had the best numbers. *sorry Mac your boy Ryno is probably 4th on the list. Joe Morgan has better numbers.
RESERVE: Jackie Robinson

Shortstop- Honus Wagner. A little bit easier choice I guess. He has the overall best numbers. Plus his baseball card is the most expensive of all time going for almost 2 million bucks.
RESERVE: ARod- I couldn’t decide whether to put ARod at short or third. His glove work at third is making him look like a shortstop. When it’s all said and done he should eclipse Wagner as long as he doesn’t pull a Ken Griffey Jr. on us. *note if I move ARod over to third Ernie Banks would probably get the nod at short.

Third Base- Mike Schmidt. This was the hardest one so far. You got Schmidt probably the best hitting third basemen of all time (unless you count ARod). Then you have Brooks Robinson a decent hitter and one of the best defensive players of all time. Then I ran into someone named Christy Mathews who hit 512 homers in like the 1950’s and 60’s. I need my older readers to chime in and help me with this one.
RESERVE: Brooks Robinson.

Catcher- Roy Campanella. They just keep getting harder to do. I was all set to put Johnny Bench here but then I read some more on Campanella. His career was cut short by segregation for 7 years on the front end and then on the back end his career was cut short by a car accident. He was a better hitter than Bench and a great defender. He was a pioneer in breaking the color line.
RESERVE: Johnny Bench- But wait a minute then I read about JOSH GIBSON. Who was probably better than both of these guys. He died two years before baseball allowed Jackie Robinson to play. Probably the greatest Negro League player of all time.

Pitcher- Oh lord this one is too confusing I’ll have to do that later.

Before I move into the outfield these three positions were all difficult to choose. At first I wasn’t exactly clear on who played what position for the bulk of their career. I was then able to find that out but there are other problems. The list of outfielders is staggering. It seems like most of the all time greats played out there. I’m sure I’m leaving some people out but look who I had to choose from:
Willie Mays
Babe Ruth
Ted Williams
Hank Aaron
Barry Bonds
Ty Cobb
Joe Dimaggio
Frank Robinson
Mickey Mantle
Stan Musial
Shoeless Joe Jackson
Roberto Clemente
Rickey Henderson
Reggie Jackson

Left Field- Ted Williams. Maybe the best all around hitter of all time.
RESERVE: Barry Bonds. The only supposed steroid user on the list so far. I think he would have done just fine without them.

Center Field- Willy Mays. What, maybe the third best hitter of all time? One of the best fielders of all time.
RESERVE: Ty Cobb. Baseball’s hit king. Baseball’s jack ass.

Right Field- Babe Ruth. Probably the best player of all time (sorry Rickey). Definitely the most popular player of all time.
RESERVE: Hank Aaron. How does the home run king get reserved?

O.K. I guess it’s on to the pitchers. I confess I didn’t know as much about pitchers to start with. It is hard for me to put pitchers that pitched a hundred years ago on the list because I’ve never even seen any kind of footage on them. Secondly, some of these guys used to pitch almost every other day. It’s not fair to compare modern day pitchers to these guys. How hard were they throwing? We don’t know. How many different pitches did they have? Cy Young, Walter Johnson, Lefty Grove, Christy Mathewson may have been better than the guys on my list but too bad they are too old. Obviously I couldn’t just put one pitcher on here so I narrowed it down to three lefties and three righties.

Left Handers- Sandy Koufax, Warren Spahn, Steve Carlton
Right Handers- Roger Clemens, Tom Seaver, Bob Gibson.

Like I said I don’t know as much about pitchers so let the arguing begin. Let me know if I left anyone out. Tomorrow I may do the same list but only taking active players into account.

Dr. Love

2005-07-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

Yes they call me Mr. Romantic. Take notes fellas cause what you’ll learn in this column promises to help you make the ladies swoon. Angela and I celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary this weekend. So I figured it was time to dial it up on the old romantic meter. I didn’t have a whole lot of time to plan for a few reasons. One, we are still dealing with all these insurance companies and neighbors and such about this flood damage so we were thinking we needed to stay around the house on Saturday because some Allstate guys were coming to check out our neighbors damage. Also, because Angela has a lot of work due in school this week she had to spend a lot of time studying. Plus, we couldn’t go far because of the Yao. I still managed to whisk Angela away for a romantic rendezvous. I know what you’re thinking and the answer is no, we didn’t spend the weekend at the Sybaris.
I decided to surprise Angela with a night out on the town. Even though we live in Chicago we rarely go downtown. We almost never go down there at night. Parking can be a hassle, it’s too crowded and most importantly it is EXPENSIVE! However, I spare no expense for my baby. The first item on my list was to get lodging for the evening. We were so lucky to have our friend Angela offer to take Yao out that night and the next morning. Hmmmmm, where to stay, where to stay? I wanted it to be fancy (The W) but also meaningful (not The W). Then I saw the hotel we stayed at on our wedding night. This covered the fancy and romantic requirements.
My next mission was to pick a place for dinner. This was a challenge indeed. The only place I have ever dined at downtown is the Taste of Chicago and that ended a week ago. Also I was trying to keep with the meaningful theme and the Taste probably wouldn’t have worked. It’s not Angela’s favorite event in the world. What’s up with that? The Taste ROCKS! Basically I have no idea where to eat. I went to Metromix.com to find a restaurant but that wasn’t helpful because they list about a million of em. I went to the Check Please website which was a little more helpful because most of the restaurants they choose are not downtown so I had less to choose from. I came across the perfect restaurant, Roy’s, an upscale Hawaiian place. Not only are Hawaiian place’s rare, but it was meaningful because we went to Hawaii for our honeymoon. How am I doing ladies?
Next we needed a little after dinner entertainment. I had the idea to go to some of our historical hangouts. Our first movie (Black Knight), the first couple of places we went out to when we were just “friends” (Rosa’s blues club, the Green Mill jazz club), our first kiss (at John Barleycorn in Wrigleyville yuck). However, I choose against these places because they are located all over the city, not downtown. They are also not the most romantic places in the world. I wanted to take her to see the Broadway play she has been dying to see, Wicked, but they only had obstructed view seating left. I settled on a Second City at Navy Pier musical which was a comedic take on Romeo and Juliet. This was good because Romeo and Juliet is a love story and we love going to The Second City.
The next day we started out on our trip. I wanted to keep it a surprise which wasn’t easy because Angela kept asking what she needed to pack, do I need a bathing suit?, etc etc. Uh oh she thinks we’re going on a real trip. She managed to get some information out of her friend who told her all she knew was that we were taking the “El” there. Damn, there goes that idea. I begrudgingly fork up the extra 40 bucks to park at the hotel just so I can keep Angela guessing. So, finally we are off. We drive downtown to the hotel. We go check out the room, not as nice as the one on our wedding night but way more expensive. I had a few surprises but I needed Angela out of the room so I could set them up. She mentioned wanting to go look at the pool yes here’s my chance.
“Well why don’t you go do that by yourself cause I gotta take a dump anyway.”
Oh yeah, don’t be jealous ladies you coulda had me. She leaves; I pull out a bottle of champagne and search for an ice bucket. I wait till I think she has gotten on the elevator then I run to the ice machine. I get back to the room in no time but there is a slight problem my key card doesn’t unlock the door. D’OH! So much for Mr. Shmooove. Luckily, I gave Angela the other key so I just had to sit there with a bucket of ice in my hand waiting like a big doofus. It’s the thought that counts right? With all the excitement I forgot to decorate the room with all the romantic items I had brought like the program from our wedding, and our wedding invitation stuff like that. Angela took pity on me and gave me props anyway.
We had a couple hours to kill before dinner so we went to Millennium Park to people watch and get a drink. This was a great suggestion by her because I have never even been to Millennium Park (see I told you I never go to the city). It turns out Millennium Park is this new real cool place to hang out in the summer time. The futuristic video tower waterfalls and the gigantic bean (which somehow has been under construction more than it hasn’t been) are awesome. They also have a nice outdoor bar and restaurant. We each got a margarita and began one of our favorite past time’s, people watching (also known as making fun of the way people dress and look with out them hearing.) We hop in a cab to go to dinner. Man downtown is PACKED! I am not used to all this. Some of the other downtowns I have been to recently; Minneapolis, Cleveland, St. Louis and Milwaukee’s are like ghost towns. Chicago is more like New York than any of these other cities that is for sure. Dinner was excellent. Again we ate outside and people watched. There was a church kiddie corner from us where a wedding was just ending. Angela got to critique all of the bridesmaid’s dresses; I tried to estimate how much their wedding must have cost. A perfect dinner indeed.
After dinner we had a couple of hours to kill before the musical so we window shopped on the mag mile. This always makes me nervous because I have found that window shopping often leads to actual shopping. Apparently, before Angela is able to start working out this summer she first needs to buy an Ipod Shuffle, whatever the hell that is. I suggest trying the workout sans Ipod just to see how she likes it. I am anxious to get out of the Apple store and go to my favorite place to shop, The Liquor Store. We hop in a cab to Navy Pier. Angela still has no idea what we are doing and it is fun listening to all of her guesses. Navy Pier is unbelievably crowded. Tonight is the first night of their summer Saturday night fireworks show. Angela wants to go in to do some more window shopping. I convince her to walk outside so we can window shop for a beer. We decide that Navy Pier is a much more fun place to people watch because the socioeconomic status of the people in attendance is more diverse. Finally, the play is about to start. By this time we are getting pretty tired it’s after 10 and we're no spring chickens. The play was hilarious and woke us up. It ends around 12:30. The city is still very alive. I didn’t know downtown was so active late at night? It helps that there are tens of thousands of people preparing for a bike ride through the city called Late Ride. Our hotel is party central. It’s funny to see all the drunken wedding people. Since I drank a coke at the play, to keep myself awake, I was wired are ready to go. Caffeine doesn’t have the same effect on Angela so it was back to the room. It was fun to paint the town red. I highly recommend Chicago as a romantic weekend getaway.

Best Week Ever

2005-07-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry to my loyal readers for not posting for a few days. You're lost without this I know. I had a really busy/intoxicated weekend. Also I had a falling out with my computer and we are just now speaking again. Since I have been really into this blogging thing for a little over a week now I figured that a “week in review” has been long overdue. Some thoughts on the past week in “The Summer of Nate.”

Tuesday- Big Big day. First crappy job interview of the summer, check. First crappy job offer, check...Played in a softball game we shoulda won if not for our complete lack of offense…The most anti-climatic NBA draft ever……Washing Machine Flood Watch ’05 emerges on the scene.

Wednesday- Due to damage caused by Washing Machine Flood ’05 listened to crazy wife deal with crazy downstairs neighbor (for those who don’t know what Washing Machine Flood is read my post on Wednesday June, 29th called Laundry)…..Try to keep my mind off the fact that we may soon be purchasing two new furnaces, a washer dryer combo, redoing drywall, hardwood floors…..

Thursday- Boring day. Watch my high priced New York Met like fantasy baseball team crumbling before my eyes. This week two suspensions, zero return on my trades, injuries, forgetting to set my line up, lunch meeting with the McCaskey’s and Bill Wirtz.

Friday- Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. We are having the biggest party we have ever had on Sunday. What the hell have I gotten myself into bbq’ing for 50 people? Who do I think I am George Foreman? I am already stressed out and the party is two days away….It’s July 1st already? I should leave the house more often or at least raise the blinds….Look at picture or Serena in her cat suit 72 times.

Saturday- Get into fist fight with my computer after writing the best blog ever, an in depth piece on reality TV (particularly the Surreal Life), only to have the story erased somehow….Swear off blogging forever….Spend the morning pouting to Angela….Stay away from computer for record half a day!
Angela’s dad is in town from St. Louis. Her dad runs a drum and bugle corp program for thirty kids. They are in town to perform in Independence Day parades in the northwest suburbs this weekend. Tonight he gets a short break from the kids so we meet him in one of the touristy areas of the city featuring such wonderful eateries as Rock and Roll McDonalds, The Hardrock Café and The Rainforest Café. We didn’t want to stray too far from the kids so we decided to eat at The Rainforest Café which will from now on be known as the worst restaurant choice for that particular situation. For those that have never been there the Rainforest Café is like Chucky Cheese’s on steroids. And for those that haven’t met Angela’s dad he is a little quiet and reserved. Of course we are the only people there without children. Random piercing sounds of the rainforest erupt. Bright lights flash on and off. The service is terrible. We are the only people there who are not celebrating a birthday. Every two minutes a twenty something waiter screams “VVVVVOOOLLLCCAAANNNOOO” at the top of his lungs then 15 waiters get together to shout the happy birthday song in our ears.

Sunday- Finally the big party is here! I’m trying to figure out the moment my group of friends became mature enough to host parties that serve food and alcohol. Women add so much to the equation. For the first time on my own I purchase a keg. My brother and I then become the first people stupid enough to try to haul a keg up to the fourth floor. I’m still sore.
The party went off without a hitch. People even danced! My friend Jaime was doing a piss poor Tom Cruise from Cocktail impression. Many awful concoctions were served up with clever names such as “Heavenly Love,” and “Ray of Light.”….. A clue that tomorrow is gonna be a rough one, I decide that it is socially acceptable to take my shirt off and twirl it around over my head, exposing back hair to all in attendance (maybe I was inspired by the Rainforest Café)…….Can’t remember much after this.

Monday- Happy Birthday America! USA! USA! I am so pissed at you USA that you made me forget to set my lineup for this upcoming week of fantasy baseball…….what day is it……where am I. Today we recognize the most important tradition in this country. I’m speaking of course of the North vs Southside of Oak Park Softball game. Although this is a very important and long held tradition for me and my friends, I am almost unable to attend due to hangover problems. Unfortunately for my team, I am able to drag my sorry ass out to Oak Park. I proudly lead my team to defeat. The day was historical. I became the first player to lose a game then be traded to the other team and lose that game as well. I learned a valuable lesson this week that both drinking and softball have brought me nothing but pain and misfortune. I vow to stay away from both pastimes for at least a few days

Top Five Tennis Ladies

2005-07-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

In honor of the Wimbledon final between Lindsey Davenport and Venus Williams tomorrow I wanted to devote a top five list to the hottest female tennis players of all time.

1.Serena Williams- I know, I know you all think I'm crazy but I just feel safer with a BRICK house than one made of straw. Seriously this was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. It helps that Serena is one of my favorite tennis players ever.

2. Anna Kournakorva- One of the reasons she couldn't be first is cuz I don't know how to spell her name so it was harder to find pictures of her. Also she's not even a tennis player.

3. Gabriella Sabbatini- She was the tennis hottie of the 90's.

4. Monica Seles- Don't hate. This was a sentimental choice for me. I had a big time crush on her when I was 15. My parents took me to see her play at a Virginia Slims Tournament at UIC. During the match I had this elaborate day dream that I would ask her for her autograph after the match and then she would write her phone number down on the tennis ball and we would go to homecoming together. She is my favorite tennis player of all time. She dominated women's tennis in the early 90's like no one had ever done before. She would have been the best tennis player of all time. Also lets not forget about that grunting that got Martina Navratilova all hot and bothered.

5. Chrissy Evert- She was cute in her little old school tennis outfit. Remember that one time on the Jim Rome show when he had quarterback Jim Evert of the Rams on and Rome kept calling him Chris Evert. Jim Evert said if you call me Chris Evert one more time I'm going to come over there and kick your ass. Rome said "O.K. Chris" and Evert jumped on him and kicked his ass on camera. A historic television moment.

The Gambler

2005-06-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

Come on Kenny! You gotta know when to hold em know when to fold em. You got to not punch coolers or kick cameras. Damn Damn Damn. My fantasy team was poised to take it all this year I had the most dominating starting pitchers in the game. I had SIX! starting pitchers with ERA's around 2.00 (Mike Hampton, Eric Bedard, Kenny Rodgers, Adam Eaton, Jake Peavy and Bartolo Colon.) I also had Dan Haren and Jon Patterson before he got hurt. I traded for Eaton and he promptly got hurt before he started a game for me. I got Patterson back but he's not that great. I could have got Haren back but I put him in the wrong order of waiver priorities. Now Bartolo has the flu. Man come on! Just my luck I am the king of hosting injured players on my fantasy teams. I can't believe I was able to trade Clint Barmes literally 5 minutes before he tripped on a can of Campbells Chunky soup.

Laundry

2005-06-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry I didn't get a chance to post yesterday. I had a job interview (I got the job whoopty freakin doo) and then more importantly we had a softball game. After the game (loss) we went out for a couple drinks and to watch the draft (Villeneava 7th and Warrick 18th? pathetic) anyway we pulled up to the house around 10 or 10:30. Its never a good sign when half the people that live in your building are waiting for you outside with their arms folded across their chests. "We have been trying to reach you all night. "We think your water heater busted and it is in turn flooding all of our places," said Luis (Angela's PuertoRican boyfriend). Fuck Fuck Fuck. I wanted to run up the stairs as fast as I could to see the damage. Unfortunately, because I am a fat and out of shape bum after pitching a whole softball game (which is equivalent to doing about 100 lunges) I am unable to walk up stairs or get up from a sitting position. I was finally able to drag my sorry ass up to the fourth floor. Turning the key in the lock I was terrified as to what I was gonna find in our brand new condo. Truthfully though I wasn't as scared about the condo as I was worried about the dog. I opened the door and everything looked O.K. to me. No wet floor. No dog drowned in his crate. Angela inspected a little further and found that our laundry machine had overflowed. Apparently the lid to the washing machine was left open (not by me) and the washer was on for 5 hours. It has a function in which it automatically shuts off, but I guess this function was on summer vacation because it didn't work.
We decided to go down and survey the damage that we had caused. The woman under us has not moved in yet so we couldn't see the worst of it. We went down another floor to Luis' place. There we encountered Niagara Falls flowing down onto his hot water heater and furnace. He was busily mopping up all of our water with a dozen pairs of hospital scrubs (he is an x-ray tech). I didn't really have too much to say "ummm, damn man sorry." It is 95 degrees out, and the south side of our building is afraid to turn on their central air because their furnaces are covered in water. We then go down to the garden unit. Same scene there with perhaps slightly less water. The poor Ethiopian family is afraid to even turn on their lights or use the gas stove. The poor Ethiopian babies will have to suffer through the hot night.
I needed a cigarette bad and Yao needed to pee so we went outside. There we encountered a gigantic possum. That's all I need is for Yao to get messed up from some possum that is bigger than he is. Luckily possum are not that confrontational and our possum scurried away. Yao and I crawled back up to our fourth floor apartment. We relaxed in the luxurious central air as all the tenants below struggled in their hot wet apartments.
What to do, what to do? I know, I'll turn on the TV to see how that NBA draft turned out that will take my mind off things. Ten minutes later I hear a pounding on our door. The woman from the condo directly under us (the one that doesn't even live here yet) is here and she's pissed. "Hi, nice to meet you," I say.
At first she and Angela are about to cat fight but things simmered down a bit as we went to survey the damage. Seems that her furnace was holding quite a bit of water.
"Well first thing in the morning I'll get on the horn and call whoever we need to call to help us fix this problem," I say. She doesn't seem too impressed with my solution but that's pretty much all we can do. The gay guy from across the hall (who also is the new tenants friend) is there to laugh at us. He does act as a tension breaker in the room so that's nice.
"I guess nobody on the south side of the building is gonna want to come to our party on Sunday," I say.
Today we have been on the phone calling repair men and Goodman Furnace dealers in our area. Most are just telling us to wait for everything to dry out and then fire up the furnace and see what happens. We may have to pay for them to be repaired we may not. Our neighbors don't seem too thrilled with the "wait till it dries," suggestion. So we have someone coming out to look at them on Friday. Angela and I went down to the garden unit (our Ethiopian former friends) to try to see if their furnace was dry yet. It was a little wet on top but the important part (the electrical wiring down below)was dry. Luckily they don't use the air conditioning anyway so that made me feel a little bit more at ease. Angela and I tried to hurry out of there as we were interrupting a traditional Ethiopian meal this woman was having with some friends. Instead of us leaving, much to my dismay, the woman booted her friends from the table and made us sit down to a homemade Ethiopian meal. Don't get me wrong Ethiopian food is the bomb, but now her poor friends have been booted to the couch we have our backs to them. We are both ready to get out of there as soon as possible. Anyway our friend is gonna teach Angela how to cook Ethiopian food (yeah right) and everything is all good.
I guess the moral of the story is homeownership is a major hassle. A warning to all you out there (especially my lazy ass friends.)

The NBA Draft Special

2005-06-27T15:50:00.000-07:00

I wanted to do something for the NBA draft tomorrow but I have a job interview (whoopty doo) so I thought instead of preparing for that I will give my full attention to the NBA draft. Before I get started I would like to say ESPN.com has gone straight to shit. They don't let you read anything anymore unless you pay to be an Insider. I remember the days of participating in live chats with Chad Ford but forget about it now.
The NBA draft is usually more important to me than Christmas. In fact, all sports drafts (especially live fantasy drafts) are my religious holiday's. I don't know what it is about them that gets me so excited? I guess its just the element of surprise. So I have been puzzled as to why I am not feeling as excited about it this year.
I finally realized that the main reason I'm not as excited is because for the first time in forever the Bulls don't have a pick. They usually have the opportunity to ruin not one but two lottery picks. Since they won't be able to do that this year I'll have to wait for the free agency period for them to screw up. (On a positive note it seems that Skiles and Curry will be coming back.)
In this NBA draft special I will go over all of the lottery teams and give my opinion on who they should pick.

1. Milwaukee Bucks-Andrew Bogut? There ain't no way in hell I take this guy over Marvin Williams. They are calling him the next Luc Longley.) I was at a wedding in Milwaukee a couple of weeks ago and my cheese head friends were practically in tears over what their team is gonna do.

2. Atlanta Hawks-Marvin Williams They got to go with him if he's still there. They say Williams coulda been the first pick last year. Now after helping lead his team to a national championship he is behind some doofus from Australia and Utah (not basketball powerhouses). This might be a Sam Bowie and Michael Jordan situation. If I am the Hawks I definitely take Williams even though their four best players, no check that, their only four players play the same position as Williams. They need to trade someone, not Marvin.

3. Portland-They are going to trade this pick to Utah. Its a good thing too because the two next best guys are both point guards and they just used their lottery pick last year on a PG. Which brings me to the question who is better Deron Williams or Chris Paul? A month ago this woulda been a no brainer. Damn that east coast bias. ESPN doesn't even know who Deron Williams is. I hear the Jazz are moving up to take Deron Williams and why not he's the next Jason Kidd right? (well at least they kinda look alike)

4. New Orleans- It doesn't matter who this team picks because they will never be good again, at least not in my lifetime. This team needs to be contracted. I hear they want a point guard so Chris Paul it is. I don't know why they want a point guard Dan Dickau is their best player. How sad is that?

5. Charlotte-They want to move up and supposedly are willing to trade their other lottery pick in order to do it. I would never do that. Especially when the next "TMAC" will be available here in Gerald Green.

6. Portland (from Utah)- This team is pathetic too. They should draft Rashad McCants he would fit the mindset of this perpetually ghetto ass team. Or maybe they should just go with that Carlton Dotson guy. The one from Baylor who murdered his teammate a couple years back is he still available? I guess they need a shooter (no pun intended) so Martell Webster.

7. Toronto-They are talking about drafting a big man which they also did last year. Ummm how'd that work out for ya? I've also heard talk about them getting a point guard even though they threw all that money at Skip to My Lou last year? The NBA is retarded. I say they get that Granger dude the one everyone is calling the next Shawn Marion.

8. New York- I'm sure Isaiah will find a way to blow this one. It's getting harder and harder to claim him as one of our own. Everyone says Channing Frye. Where did he come from? Two months ago he was a second rounder. Didn't Isaiah just trade Kurt Thomas? Isn't he the same player as Channing Frye? Oh well, at least they still have ten 6'8" power forwards and ten guard/forwards who are ball hoggin non defenders.

9. Golden State-They better get someone to compliment Baron Davis because I think I'm gonna cross my fingers and select him as one of my keepers for next season. This team was really turning it around. They are supposedly gonna try to imitate Phoenix's offense. Sounds good to me. So they need a big man who can run.

10. Lakers- They need to draft a little bitch for Kobe. I'm hearing Charlie Villanueva. I guess Phil Jackson likes head cases. They would be better served by Raymond Felton.

11. Orlando- This team could be awesome. Although I am also starting to think that Steve Francis may be a mini Stephan Marbury, destined to be a career loser. Anyhoo they need to build around Howard because he is the real deal. Jameer Nelson is good too.

12. Charlotte-How does this starting line up sound: Okafor, Gerald Green(remember he's the next TMAC) Gerald Wallace, Brevin Knight, and with this pick Hakim Warrick or maybe Sean May? Their names both fit nicely there.

13. Clippers- Who cares?

14. Minnesota- I was going to stop at 13 but its not too often Minnesota gets to pick this high. Wait a second, its not too often that Minnesota gets to pick at all. Can you picture KG and Hakim Warrick in the same frontcourt?

Who would of I wanted the Bulls to get? Well, I love Hakim Warrick and he fits a need we have for an athletic big. I wouldn't mind Sean May or Ike Diogu. I like Francisco Garcia we need someone who can shoot. Maybe even a Salim Stoudemire or a Luther Head in the second round. Speaking of Illini players Dee Brown is so lucky he broke his leg. Because of the NBA's CBA (collective bargaining agreement) he has a much better shot at getting drafted next year when a very strong high school class will be forced to play one year of college.

Phew! This blogging thing is hard work. I hope someone is reading this crap.

Raves

2005-06-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

I promised you this site wouldn't only be about sports. In Raves I will feature stuff (books, movies, tv shows, websites, music) that I have been into lately.

The Boolu Master The Boolu Master is the best DJ I have ever heard. He plays a very eclectic mix of white 80's music, Motown, disco, funk, hip hop, house and reggaetone without skipping a beat. The Boolu Breakfast Mix comes on from 8:00-8:20 am on Power 92.3 Hammond, Chicago. It's the only enjoyable moment of my work day. He also has an extended mix at 5:00 everyday. His website (which isn't quite up and running yet) is boolumaster.com (sorry I don't know how to link yet I am a fool.)

Best Week Ever On VH-1. Have you all ever seen this show? It's hilarious. The show basically reviews this week in pop culture. I don't know who these comedians are that make comments on the show but most of them are very funny. It comes on at 10pm on Friday nights but is replayed throughout the week.

IFC The Independent Film Channel is great. I have seen two interesting documentaries on it recently, "Dogtown and Z-boys" and "Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession." Dogtown is the documentary that this new movie "The Lords of Dogtown" is based on. The documentary tells about a group of kids who were inspired by a certain style of surfing and used it to invent skateboarding as we know it today.
Z Channel is about an eccentric (actually insane) director of programming on a movie channel in Los Angeles in the late 70's and early 80's. The Z Channel was revolutionary. They only played cool obscure movies. They would find copies of movies that had never been given a chance in Hollywood and put them on this very popular movie channel. These were the early days of cable tv at the time Z Channel was more popular than HBO. The movie is also about this eccentric programming director, Jerry Harvey, and his dysfunctional personal life.

The White Sox

2005-06-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

The White Sox top five list was way more challenging to make than the Cubs list. Not because I can't stand the White Sox. It was hard because (as with the last list) I am only taking into account the players time with the Sox, not other clubs. Also, probably their best player ever had his career cut in half. The Sox list is very different than the Cubs list. Probably because of the ball parks they played in. The Cubs had tons of power hitters and the Sox hardly any. Also I couldn't really decide on a pitcher to use for the Sox. Anyway...

1. Frank Thomas- Gotta give this one to Big Frank but I could have given it to almost any of these guys. He has the total offensive package. The only one of these guys who could also hit for power. He will end up 2nd in hits, and 1st in runs, HR's, RBI, walks, total bases, doubles, and he hits for average. Too bad he is a total jackass that everyone in Chicago hates. Also he is a DH in the juiced ball era but not on the juice himself.

2. Eddie Collins- Probably had a better career than Frank but only played half of it with the Sox. Has a way better avg. (.331 to .308) than Frank. In almost 2000 less AB's has almost as many hits and runs as Frank. Good amount of RBI's and tons of steals(seventh all time in MLB).

3. Joe Jackson- Coulda been one of the best ever if he played a full career. Dude hit .408 one year (not on the Sox) and has one of the best career averages at .356. He hit .340 for the Sox. He would have been second all time in hits behind Ty Cobb (don't count Rose he played for like 30 years.)

4. Luke Appling-Played twenty years for the Sox. 1st in hits, second in runs and RBI's. He had a career average of .310 (better than Thomas). Didn't get to play DH.

5. Nellie Fox-Could have went with a pitcher or with Carleton Fisk here I guess. Fisk didn't even enter the Hall of Fame as a White Sock though so I went with Nellie. He is second in hits and up there in runs and rbi's.

Minnie Minoso had some of the most entertaining stats. Started his career in 1949 probably later than he should of due to segregation. Played until 1964. Then played 3 games in 1976 and 2 games in 1980. Played in 5 decades.

Top Five

2005-06-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

A feature of this site will be the Top Five list. Some of you who have played fantasy sports with me know of my infatuation with the top five list. In honor of the Cubs/Sox series this weekend I will showcase my top five Cubs and Sox players of all time. First the Cubs. Let me say this was tough. Do you allow players who retired before the turn of the century? Do you pick players who were really really good for a short period of time or do you reward longevity? I pretty much allowed everything and I think it makes a pretty good list.

1. Cap Anson-The real Mr. Cub. Played with them forever. Leads all Cubs in hits, runs, RBI, with a .329 avg and less AB's than Banks. Problems: Retired in 1897. Played in a segregated league. Played before Wrigley (where did they play?)

2. Ernie Banks- Second best career numbers. Played in the modern era but not the juiced ball era. Most well known spokesmen for the team. Problems: Played on crappy teams. Only hit .274 lifetime.

3. Sammy Sosa-Maybe has the best numbers if you look at how few AB's he had compared to the rest of em. Problems: Roids?

4. Hack Wilson- Forget Sammy this guy was a stud. Had less than a third of Sosa's AB's but more than half as many RBI's. Same with hits. Had almost as many runs as Sosa again with less than a third of the AB's. He hit about 370 RBI's in the 1929 and 1930 seasons. That wasn't that long ago but still they were playing in a segregated league.

5.Mordecai Brown- It was very hard to leave Billy Williams off the list but this guy was great and I had to put a pitcher up there. He was 188-86 with a 1.80 ERA. Pretty nice. Yes he did pitch a long time ago but at least it was in the 1900's. I mean I coulda went with Larry Corcoran who threw 250 complete games in a five season span. Man whoever had him on their fantasy team in 1880 was making bank!

Stay tuned for the Sox list.

No this is my real first post.

2005-06-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

I decided to start a blog for a few reasons. I don't work in the summers. I am a teacher. Rather than look for a new job, which is what I am supposed to be doing this summer, I have decided to devote my summer to entertaining the two people who will end up checking this site out. No really since I spend about 6-8 hours a day online I thought I might as well share my misery with you all.
I have high expectations for my site but it may take a few to figure out how to use it. I promise not over analyze my current fantasy sports teams on this site (sorry ladies). I guess I should go outside once in awhile so I will have something else to talk about. If you prefer your blogs to be free of run on sentences you have come to the wrong place.

2005-06-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

This is Yaomingki as a baby.

My first Post

2005-06-24T14:09:00.000-07:00

Hey this is just a quick post to see how this thing works. I have never blogged before and my technology skills are limited but I am sick of totally dominating all fantasy sports message boards so I figured this was the next step. Expect to hear from me more than you would like.